Tuesday, November 22, 2011
As soon as I left the gym, my workout was complete and I knew my day just got a whole lot better. I was happier, and a just mentally prepared for my day.
I can't wait to go back tomorrow :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
I don't like that number. The weight was way too hard to lose, it's a disappointing. I did it to myself and I have no one else to blame for the damage I've done.
Yesterday was the first time in about 6 months that I've steped foot on a scale. Like so many times before, I was avoiding reality. I knew that I had gained... iI knew that I gained a lot. I was hoping to have a skinny day and weigh myself then, that was the plan. That day, just never came.
I was reading someone's blog yesterday and decided it was time. Time to just do it... Step on the scale and weigh myself. What was I waiting for? If I'm going to start over again, I need to know what the damage was and what I'm dealing with.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Well, I don't exactly have a jogging stroller. I have a britax preview. It's one step up from an umbrella stroller. Amelia is 4/2 and probably weighs 40+lbs herself+ the weight of the stroller. I see people completing runs with kids/strollers all the time. I really didn't think it would be a big deal -- at all.
Like I said, it was a small run. Very small, and well it ended up being mostly runners and very few walkers. I'm not back running yet and I knew I would be slower with the stroller, so I started toward the end of the pack. Mairyn started a lot closer to the front. Before the race, we chose a meeting point, near the finish line just incase she finished before me.
When the race began, Amelia an I took off. It was fun, but challenging. I'd never ran with her in the stroller before. She enjoyed the race. At about 1 mile, it was time for me to walk. Pushing Amelia was a lot harder than I anticipated. I decided that I would just keep going.
For the first half mile or so, I could see Mariyn but soon she had ran so far ahead that I could no longer see her. No big deal, I figured she would eventually tire out and I would be able to catch up. About the 1.5 mile mark, I noticed I was almost dead last. There was a guy behind me, dressed as a redneck runner. Iassumed he was the pacer and wasn't going to to be passing me. Amelia and I continued on our walk/run. I cracked jokes about the pacer behind me and finishing dead last. Hey, at least I was willing to move my body for the full 3.1 miles!
At first, I really wanted to catch up with the other runners/walkers. Then I thought about all the obstacles I had in front of me. No sitter, pushing a 50+lbs stroller w/ kid, while running/walking. No training. And a bum ankle. I thought about all the weight I've put back on. About how well, I used to do and where I am now.... FAT AGAIN!
I **almost** started to feel bad about things and for myself. But something in me just said, keep going. So, I did. At mile 2, I thought about my daughter. Here it was the day before Halloween and my 9 year old is running a 5K. Yeah, mine. Here is my 4 year old, participating in one too (like it or not). I still hadn't caught up with Mariyn. And you know, I was ok with that. One of my biggest reasons for wanting to lose weight was to be active with my children and teach them a healthy lifesyle. I want them to love being active. And Mariyn does!
Mariyn finishsed the run at 36 minutes and 7 seconds. More than 10 minutes ahead of me. I finished at 47 minutes 38 seconds. Probably my slowest time ever but that really isn't the point. My point is, I finished and I enjoyed a great time with BOTH of my daughters teaching them a better healthier way of life. Words can not express how proud I am of my daughter and she was proud of me, even if I finished dead last. :)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
We've opened our own business and so far, I'd consider it a huge blessing and a success. I have been playing softball at least 4 nights a week. So, I am active. I'm having fun. Despite reinjuring my ankle, I've completed a few runs, Wharf to Wharf and my first Half Marathon at Nike Women's Marathon. Both events were a blast!
July 24, 2011. Zumara and I at the start line for Wharf to Wharf, a 6 mile road race with 15,000 runners plus massive amounts of people enjoying the party atmosphere and scenic views of Santa Cruz, Capitola and the Pacific Ocean.
Let me get this out now. I'm a brand snob. I don't mean to be necessarily but you throw a Nike logo on something and I immediately think it's gonna make me run faster, jump harder, swim farther, and JUST DO IT better, then without the logo. HaHA corney, I know. So for me, The Nike Women's Marathon (NWM) was sort of an "Ultimate Dream Race" to me. Only in my dreams did I think I would have been chosen or had the opportunity to run in Nike. My Weak ankles (READ EXCUSES) made it very difficult to train or want to run. Other than around the bases at softball, I did not run from July until NWM. Bad choice. The vistas were phenomenal and the overall experience was good. There are some things I have to be truthful about. I ran walked the first 5-6 miles. My running pace was slow. I finished in just under 4 hours (literally, seconds under 4 hours). But I moved my body 13.1 miles and FINISHED! Which is more than I can say I would have done 2 years ago.
Along with that, I know I've gained weight. I haven't steped on a scale and to be honest I'm not ready to. I can still fit into my clothes but they don't look the same on me, and some really just don't "fit" even though I can get my body in them. That much junk should not be in the trunk, if you you know what I mean. ;-) I'm pretty sure my body could no longer fit into ANY size 10. I'm definately pushing a 12/14 (again) and dreading buying clothes.
Apparently, I've gained so much that my husband seen this picture taken in January...
And he did not RECOGNIZE me! He asked WHO it was? Shocking, I know. The man I have been with for nearly 12 years DID not recognize me in a pic that was 10 months old. Yeah, 10 month off = no GOOD for the body. He is pretty much beggining me to go back to the gym. Not for the physical benefits but for the health factor and mental benefits to our relationship, my self and our family.
So, now that I've confessed all of my sins: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Get ready for the days ahead. The good news is, it gets better, Folk's!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
I've been running still, gotten up to 5.5 miles of run/walking. With Zumara. We were squeezing in our runs a few days a week. I really love running. We have Wharf to Wharf coming up soon, July 24th. It's going to be spectucular.
I finally weighed myself. It was the first time in MONTHS that I stepped on the scale. The scale was very honest with me and my slacker ways. I've gained a few pounds. I already knew this by the way my clothes fit. And, how hard it's been to get back in the routine. I'm not really happy about it but I know it's my choices that have gotten me here.
So now, it's time for good news and bad news...
Good news is, we opened our own business. Our towing company is finally up and running and on rotations with local law enforcement agencies. Unfortunately, this is giving me less free time to focus on other things. But I hope that changes as our business grows.
Bad news is, last night I twisted my ankle while running. The same ankle that I injured a while back. It will be my last run for a while. My ankle is swollen, stiff and sore. It's not hurting too bad, I can tell it's not a major injury like last time but it's not in good shape either. It looks nasty right now. So what does this mean to me? A huge set back. I highly doubt I will be able to run wharf to wharf. I was really looking forward to it. Instead, if I am able, I will walk wharf to wharf. It also means, a huge set back in training for the Nike Women's Marathon. I'm hoping to heal in a few weeks and to be back to running. Ultimately, I know my running days are numbered and my ankle will always be prone to injury/re-injury. I'm hoping my body holds up for Nike...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
We were all in the living room tonight, when Mariyn asked me to go for a run with her. We ran to her school and back, looping around our neighborhood. It was just over 1 mile. Mariyn ran the whole time and did not complain. She enjoyed it. How many 8 year olds, like to run? Mine does :) Ok, well, she is almost 9 but still. Make my heart happy to know I'm giving her a good example and habbits for a healthy, active lifestyle.
When Amelia, my 4 year old, heard we were going running, she wanted to go too. I knew she couldn't make the whole mile, so I told her we would take her when we got back. She was a little dissappointed. But that was short lived when we got back home and she was ready to go. I wasn't sure how far Amelia could run, so I figured at most we would run/walk around our block. At least, down the street. Amelia, ran all around our entire block. It's nearly a half mile! We sang our ABC's and counted the whole way. She was very cute and had lots of fun.
I know everyone is proud of their kids (or should be) but it really does give me a lot of joy to see them engage in an active lifestyle. It makes me feel as if I'm doing something right, even if I am still over weight. I'm giving them a love for fitness that will help them live longer, happier and healthier throughout their life. My heart is full <3
Sunday, June 5, 2011
But today, here I sit. It's 5:30 am and I'm up getting ready for my 5K and blogging. I'm excited. Yeah, I know it's only a 5K but still this is something more than that to me. A year ago, it was proving to myself and everyone else that I was able to run. Now, I love to run.
A year ago, I was changing. Changing into a new healthier, fitter me. I'm still here. Maybe a little bit chubbier than I would like. Maybe I've been making bad eating decisions. Maybe I've been struggling but guess what? There is something I'm doing that matters more than that. ...
I'm still here! Yeah, that's right. I'm still here plugging away little bit by little bit doing what I can. I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in and I'm not going back.
I am no quitter. I'm determined. I am going to run!
Friday, June 3, 2011
It's a slippery slope. After my injury, I slowly allowed junk back into my diet. A brownie here, something chocolate and delicious there. Eating out.. because I was too lazy/stressed/busy to cook. Depression set in, more bad eating choices. Portions got larger. Choices got poorer.
We've even gotten into the habit of eating fast food. Drinking soda. I've made cupcakes twice this week! And eaten more than my fair share.
I'm not willing to give up every food I love to loose weight. But I'm not willing to go back to where I was either. I can easily see, how continuing like this can be dissasterous.
I see people from the gym, around town and I feel guilty. My children keep asking to go back to the gym. I need to sit down, and figure out a training schedule and stick to it. I've been runnning, at least that's something. But I know the diet has to change or I won't progress and make my goals like I want to.
My next 5K is Sunday. I'm looking forward to it and spending the day in San Francisco afterward with friends.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
For now, I'm thinking of all the stressors that brought me here and evaluating my life. There are some things I can not controll and yet there are so many things, that I can. What can I change? has been the question I ponder most. What will help me feel better... even if temporarily.
God. Family. Friends. Exercise. I'm getting better with my running. Each and every run. I'm now up to running 2.5 miles. I'm sure I can run longer too ... on a good day. I'm playing softball 1-2 nights a week. I love the game. My daughter is officially on summer break around starting this afternoon! I have a great group of friend and a great family. Even on days, when I might be angry or down. Life has been tough on our marriage lately, but we both want to and are determined work through it. That in it'self is a blessing. <3
My friend's son graduated high school last night. The principal gave a really long speach... you know the kind... b-o-r-i-ng! But one thing rang out for me... A goal not written down is rarely achieved. The whole reason I blog to commit myself to my journey and my goals. Sharing the ups and downs along the way.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Yeah, I've stayed busy. I admit it. Trying not to dwell on the real problem(s). I struggle daily to feel happy. I struggle daily to be a nice wife, I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably. I struggle daily to be a good mom.
I've let too many outside influences get to me lately. I willing to admit it now, I've been fighting with depression. I say this not because I want sympathy, pitty or anything else but to recognize it and hopefully be able to move on. I want to be happy again.
Yesterday, I went my monthly bible study. It's been a while since I've gone, I know I missed last month. I had a busy day planned around softball. I amlost didn't go to bible study. I didn't have much gas in my car, and it was a luncheon. Everyone was suppossed to bring something. I didn't have extra time or money to get something prepared. But I knew if I didn't go, I would feel bad. Those were just excuses. So I went. The speaker was talking about gardening and of course related it to being a Christian. How you can feed your body, and not feed your spirit you're still walking around hungry. It reminded me a lot of this journey and also were I am today. I haven't been feeding my spirit. Instead, I'm turning to food, filling my time, and falling apart.
The last several days, I've been praying to have theses feelings I taken away. To feel happy again, and less bitter. I prayed on the way to bible study that God would give me something I need. That it would be worth the gas, worth the money spent on bringing food. (I brought farm fresh Strawberries by the way).
But something was different yesterday. For the first time in months, I felt happy. Not over joyed but happiness. Joy in my heart. It was a great feeling and I'm able to cope better today.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Saturday, was filled with softball. My daughter's team is having an awesome season. We had two games on Saturday, won both.
Sunday morning, Mother's day, was also filled with softball. It's a good thing I love the game. Zumara and I decided to go for a long run. We mapped our run before hand. I looked specifically where the 1 mile mark was. We picked a destination to run to, just outside of town. It seemed so far.
I pushed myself to run, until I hit that 1 mile mark. And you know, it really wasn't that bad or too hard. We ended up run/walking 4.5 miles. Felt amazing to hit my goal. Next week, we're going to run further :-)
Friday, May 6, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Last night we ran/walked about 4 miles. I ran the first half mile, no breaks. I was able to run a bit further than the Monday night. Running makes me be more accountable with all my other food choices. When I run, I just feel better, less stressed and more confident.
We talked about our upcoming runs. How excited we are and how we want to Rock the Nike Women's Marathon. We know it's going to be very challenging. San Francisco has LOTS of hills. It will be a great experience but I DO NOT want this to be my first half marathon experience. We want to find something less expensive, closer to home and gain some confidence and experience first. Then Rock San Francisco.
And in case you were wondering what I hope to follow up Nike with.... I'm already looking for more runs, more goals and more challanges. For now, I've set my eye on this, one of the most beautiful places in CA, Big Sur.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
The bright side, I'm rebuilding and I know I will get there. My goal for now, to be able to run 1 mile. Yeah, the same goal I set January 2010. Then - build on it.
I have previously mentioned I am excited about this running season. This is what I'm looking forward to.
The women's festival was my favorite 5K last year. Nike is one of the sponsors, Kaiser has a huge pressence and Whole Foods!! Gourmet buffet breakfast by Whole Foods. Love them! The atmosphere is amazing and the swag was awesome. I'm looking forward to this event.
Running from Santa Cruz to Capitola, with ocean views? Who could ask for anything more? This 6 mile run will be breath taking and fun. Bands and street performers are along the route to keep you motivated. But really Santa Cruz is beautiful, what more could you ask for. This run sells out every year. When I heard about this run last year, it was already sold out. This year, I made a point to register early. It sold out in about 3 weeks! It will be Crazy Fun!
Of course, I will be running in other events too but these + training will get me prepared for the event of the season.
Two sold out events. Races that I've wanted to run for more than a year. I couldn't be more excited.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
After softball last night, I decided to go running. I uploaded Imapmyfitness into my iphone. It's an app that was highly recommended. I met Zumara at her house and we ran together. It was really a run walk. About a mile into it, I could really feel my ankle and my knees. I want to make sure I don't re-injure myself. So I have to be careful.
We ended up walking most of it, but at least we were still moving. According tot he gps on mymyfitness, we went 4.74 miles. Not bad for starting over. In fact, even though I'm starting over I know I'm ahead of where I was last year. That is because this year, I KNOW I can do it and NOTHING is impossible. Before, I was always pushing the envelope and the goal into unknown territory. This time, I know I can do it. I just have to commit. And with my running goals, I am committed. =)
Oh and did I mention, today I'm sore... yeah my hamstrings are a burning!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
20,000 women, running the streets of San Francisco together. Running with Nike sponsoring the event. Raising awareness for a great cause. Great Nike Loot and a Tiffany's finisher's neckless. Who could resist? Every year the run sells out so quickly, Nike has created a random drawing to select it's participants. I have many runner friends who have entered and never been selected.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
This year, I know I will walk a good portion of the 5K. I will run some too. It means something different to me this year, it's more sentimental and I'm focusing on getting back to where I was pre-injury. Tomorrow, I will get up early and register myself, and my 8 year old daughter. We're taking on the 5K, together <3
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
It's this love for softball that kept me athletic and in shape. I always wanted to play my best. As an adult, I've continued to play softball in recreational leagues until I had Amelia. I've coached my older daughter's teams and hope to pass down the love of the sport to her. We have a lot of fun together and as a team. It keeps us especially busy this time of year.
Lately though, I've had so much stress and drama being involved with the softball board that I questioned my love for the game. Once we had our first practice of the season, it didn't take long to remember all the reasons I love the game. Coaching is a true joy. Spending the quality time with my daughter is a blessing.
However, I wanted more. I miss playing. I know I can't be as active as I want with my running but I can do somethings. I needed to do something for me. I joined a women's rec team. We will be playing on Friday nights. During the Spring, I will be substituting / on call when regulars can't make it. But come Summer league, I will have a regular spot on the team. I'm excited. I know subbing doesn't sound like much but it's perfect for me right now. Tuesday, I had my first practice with the rec league. It was great and so much fun just hitting the balls. It's been about 5 years since I played but it felt like yesterday. Hitting balls is such a great stress reliever too. Makes me want to go to the batting cages.
Today, Mariyn and I bought matching cleats. ha ha Silly I know. The cleats, I had were so old they litterally were seperating from the sole. Probably not from use, but from time. I've had them since I was 16ish years old. It was time for a new pair and Mariyn's excited to have the same pair as her mom. :0) I love my girl!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Let's face it, it's been over 3 months since I've been in the routine of working out daily. I weighed myself this morning, 187lbs. Before my injury, my weight was fluctuating between 185-188lbs. That my friends, is something I'm considering a success. Yeah, I know I'm on a weight loss journey and I didn't lose weight in the last 3 months. BUT, learning to maintain is a huge part of being successful at weight loss.
Also, I've not lost the desire to live healthy, live differently, and live better by the grace of God. I've never given up hope or given up on myself. That to me is a huge NSV.
How am I feeling after working out yesterday? My foot/ankle feels a little stiff and swollen. My muscles feel a little bit sore. But overall, I feel great and jazzed to be back. Starting over again, from where I'm at. God is so great!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
It's the end of the rope now though. I'm walking the plank and there just are no more excuses. My ankle is on the road to recovery. I know I can't do what I was doing back in November physcially and that I have to start all over again. But that' s ok. I'm not strating over, I'm continuing on. I know that I can make good choices with diet and exercise. I have and I will again.
Last night in bed, Rich asked me when I was going to run again. He did so in a kind gentle way letting me know that he knows I need a release. He knows I'm a ticking time bomb that can explode. He wants to prevent that and be supportive. He knows how much running means to me and more importantly how much I (and the whole family) benefit from it. What is that saying, "A happy wife makes a happy life!"
Tonight, my friend Zumara called and asked if I wanted to go to the gym tonight. I've been so stressed, busy, scared of reinjuring myself, and making excuses I haven't been consistent enouogh with my excercise/going back to the gym. I decided that if I felt up to it, after I put the girls to bed, I would go. At dinner, Rich said he was planning on going tonight but I could go instead. So sweet of him <3 he knew it was in OUR best interest for me to get some "me time" at the gym.
I worked out on the floor doing the various weight machines. And I ran! Yes, I ran! Ok well, actually I ran walked for 20 minutes. I did intervals because I wanted to be aware of my body/injury. I didn't want to over do it on my first "attempt " to run. I ran for the first 5 minutes. The first 2 minutes were so hard but it felt ***SO*** good. Yeah, I know 1.3 miles isn't a lot and it's nothing compared to what I was doing. But from where I am now, it was a really good start. My ankle doesn't hurt, although it doesn't feel exactly normal. I think I'm on the road to rebuilding and recovery.
I came home, happy with a clear head and open heart and well just feeling relief.
I just love the gym <3
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Anyways, I got to the gym 30 minutes early and there was already a line of about 10 people. Got my ticket. Talked to many of the regulars. It felt good to be back. I checked in with the instructor, Gosh, I missed her.
I decided that if my ankle started to hurt, I should probably just leave. The last thing I want to do is re-injure myself or jmake my injury worse. Getting on the bike was so uncomfortable! I know you have to get used to the seat but really, you can't help but wonder if therei s any getting used to this amount of discomfort. I used very light resistance, I wanted to be careful. I felt good though. My body responded well in terms of strength and endurance. However, after a few songs, my ankle started to bother me. I had a hard time telling if I was over doing it or if my ankle was sore because it was weak. I almost decided to just leave. Stick to the plan you know. But I was feeling so good - can you say, ENDORPHINS! I decided to turn down my resistance and try to push through a few more songs. At least to 30 minutes, I told myself. I ended up making it through the whole class. My ankle was tired but my body felt good.
I've decided my break is over. I'm back. I might not be able to go as hard core as I was but I'm back none the less. I have to start somewhere. So here I am, starting again today from where I am. I'm going to start with the less strenous instructors and classes then build on what I CAN do. Honestly, I'm still in great shape. I might not have been to the gym in months but after working out for over a year 5 days a week several hours a day. I know I've got an advantage. Muscle memory, I'm not at square one. I felt good, cardiovascularly, strength and endurance. I'm starting from where I am. An injured athlete who is determined to be fit.
My next date at the gym, will be Thursday. I'm going to rest my ankle and attempt 2-3 days a week until I'm completly healed.
Monday, February 28, 2011
I asked my hubby if he would put the cleats in my spin shoes. I got them back in Oct/Nov but he didn't put them together right away. Then I got injured and they've been sitting here unused ever since. Well, tonight he goes to put them together and there is a piece missing. :-/ Darn ebay, new conidtion w/ open box. It's been far to long to say anything so I will be spending money on new cleats. At least I have the pedals.
Late Friday afternoon, I stepped on a rusty old nail. It went through my shoe and pricked my toe. Pulling it out, I pricked my finger. Guess who hadn't had a tetnus shot since high school? Yeah that would be me. Miss clumsy. I tried to convince myself that the rusty old nail thing was probably an old wives tale and that I could save the money. But I googled it.... and decided it was better safe than sorry if I just went to the doctor. The side effects of tetnus just didn't look appealing nor did the treatment. So I spent the money and went to a clinic on Saturday. Got my tetnus vaccine and whooping cough booster. Fun stuff I tell you. My arm was so so sore and tender for 2 days. But at least I won't have to worry about tetnus, bacterial and spores causing my body to cease up. If you haven't gotten your tetnus shot in the last 10 years, you just might want to. Oh and at the doctors office, I weighed in 188 lbs. 3 pound gain, I'm not sure when. But I know I've been off the wagon for a while so the damage isn't too bad.
I'm excited and nervous to be back at the gym. Excited to see my friends. Nervous about my injury and being able to keep up. I'm certain that I will get my butt kicked tomorrow and hopefull that my endurance will return.
I might have been off the wagon lately, but honestly I've never completely given up. I know there is no going back to where I was before. Nor do I want to.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
On a better note, I'm planning my comeback run. March 26, the SOS 5K run. It marks 1 year of my running adventures. If you recall, I ran this was my first race last year and I miraculously took first in my age division. My goal was to be able to run a 5K. This year, I don't know if I will be able to running it at all but I will finish. I am determined to not let me injury sideline me forever.
Tomorrow is Rich's birthday. It's the last day of junk before I go into detox. I've got to get all this sugar and junk food out of my system and focus.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Now, that I haven't worked out much in the last two months (yes, it's been that long). I'm not eating as healthy as I was. I still make good choices but not great choices. I give into junk, cravings, eating out and other forms of diet sabatoge with little to no resistance. I'm going through a lot of personal stress right now and I can tell, my body is reacting to it. My skin is breaking out, my hair looks less shinny and healthy. I get cranky, moody and reach breaking points faster. I often feel overwhelmed and I turn to food.
See how quickly old habbits and coping mechanisims can come back? The one thing that is not back is the weight but I can easily see how my excuses and behavior can cause a slipper slope and the weight would follow.
Another thing I noticed, in JanuaryI missed my mom's monthly bible study. I completely forgot about it. Coincidence, I think not. Every month, I enjoy bible study it gives me a new perspective and a way to rejuvenate.
Tomorrow is the February bible study. I'm looking forward to it.
I'm looking forward to getting back into the gym too. Many of my gym friends have let me know, I've sulked long enough and that even though I can't do everything I can do somethings. Maybe that is the kick in the pants that I need...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
We layed in bed late this morning, then got up and showered. Rich weighed in and said he lost 2 lbs. MEN! His weight flucatates a lot though and he isn't really trying to lose weight. This got me to thinking, that I should weigh in. I can't remember the last time I did, it's probably been 3 weeks or so. It's sort of liberating. I had just gotten out of the shower, I was undressed my hair was wet. I hadn't eaten yet so I figured, why not. Besides with my hair being wet, I just *knew* I would weigh heavier, lol. I already had my excuss ready!
So I stepped on the scale and was shocked! I mean shocked, 184 lbs. That was down 1 lbs since my lowest weigh in. I'm greatful I'm able to maintain my weight loss with everything I am dealing with right now.
Monday, January 24, 2011
I want to run. Yes, I know you know this. But the last several weeks I've been under so much stress, scrutiny and I just need an outlet. There were so many things that I felt like I needed to run off. Physically though, I just can't. I can tell I'm getting better now though. I'm hopeful that by the end of February, I will be running again. My ankle seems to look more normal, more stable and I'm in less pain. But I can tell it's not as strong as it should be before I go out and run again. I can't even begin to explain how much my mind and body begs for a nice long run.
Saturday, I was crying to Rich. I feel overwhelmed like I'm being pulled in 100 different directions. Between family obligations, softball and our investment I've had little time for me. Which again, is one reason I NEED to run. It helps me cope. Very sweetly, my husband understands and offers to take me on a date. We went out for dinner at the Diamond Back Grill and planned on going bowling together afterwards. We ended up going to Black Oak Casino to go bowling but because it was a weekend the lanes were $25 per hour, not bad if you're going as a group but very pricey for just two people. We ended up playing nickle slot machines and set a budget for our cost of entertainment. Rich lost $20 and I won $10. So basically, we spent $10 on entertainment and enjoyed an evening together. This was both of our first times going to Black Oak, neither of us are big gambler types and didn't set out to go gambling that evening. It just sort of happened but we had fun.
We picked up the girls from the sitter and went to bed. In the morning, we laid around in bed until about noon. - Amazing for us. Rich and I talked and really reconnected. We hadn't been on a date, in about 18 months - 2 years. Too long, I know. Reconnecting and dating is so important to a healthy marriage. We both realize this and hope to have more dates soon. We loved laying in bed and talking to each other all morning, cuddling. It really felt like our date hadn't ended. Amazing I tell you. I feel so blessed to have Rich.
Speaking of blessings. I know I need to pray more. Running can not be my only emotional outltet. I have to rely more on God to help me deal with things when I'm frustrated and overwhelmed. I know a good long talk with God is in order. Even if nothing changes, I know it's important to talk with God.
I had a moment today. A moment of pure joy and bliss. I did laundry and was digging out my pants. I lifted them up and was looking at them. The just seemed so small and cute. I wondered how they could possibly fit me. I sat there and starred at my pants for a good long while. Then, instead of getting dressed I decided to take care of me and take a nice long bath.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
I miss my routine. I attempt to read most of your blogs from my iphone but commenting is a lot harder I've found. Hopefully I get used to it soon or get more computer time.
I heard through the grape vine that someone called me a "Fat Pig" last night and has been using this name for me for a while now. Yeah - so childish, I know. I'm still overweight I realize this but in the grand scheme of things I don't look that FAT anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure the person who said this about me is much larger than I am. Maybe not weight but in terms of size. But then again, the type of adult that would just casually call people names and verbally attack them, based on nonsense and appearance, isn't one that I would consider classy. So really I am considering the source. But I would be dishonest if I said the comment didn't shock me and send me into a reality check, questioning my weight issues. Yeah, I really don't like drama in my life. I can seriously do with out and just get my fill by reading Facebook, TMZ or Perez Hiliton.
Fun stuff, I tell you. The curve ball life has thrown at me has left no time for swimming, working out or really anything about me lately. I really need to learn my limits better. I need to pray about things.
Friday, January 14, 2011
I really don't have the extra money to waste on testing and doctor visits just to find out I'm fine. I don't have health insurance either so I'm cautious about going to the doctor. I realized this week that my primary injury is nearly 2 months old and my secondary injury (the worse of the two) is over a month old. I think it's time to see a doctor.
Doc said, I've torn ligaments in my ankle. There are 3 rubber band like ligaments around your ankle and I tore/strained one of them very severely and possibly fractured a small peice of the bone. He said it would take approx 3-6 months to heal from my injury but my ankle is surprisingly stable for the type of injury I have. He didn't do an X-Ray or MRI today because he feels it wouldn't change the treatment of the injury at this time. Unless you are a professional athlete they typically do not operate on these injuries. It will take a while, he said but it should heal on it's own. If I go over 6 months without healing then we should consider surgery and other options. For now, he said I am doing everything just right. Ibuprofen, Ice, Wrap and no impact.
He said I could continue to swim that it's an excellent workout for my type of injury. I'm relived - not because my injury is better but because I know I will get better. Some day, in God's time. I'm anxious to fill my racing calendar but I know my first goal to to get healthy so I can be active again.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Because of everything that happened I will be busier than ever trying to balance everything. But at the end of the day, I know it will be worth it. I haven't made it to the gym since Thursday. Good news is my last work out was good! I was sore until Saturday. Which surprised me because I didn't lift as heavy as I used too.
This week is full of stuff to take care of. Incredibly busy but I hope to find a little me time in there too. Oh, and I've decided I should go to the doctor about my ankle. Although it doesn't hurt all the time, I've decided that it looks mangled and should be looked at.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I had all of our clothes laid out last night. I know I am NOT a morning person so it's just easier for us to get somewhere on time if I do this the night before. I got to the gym just before 8 am. Body Pump starts promptly at 8:30 and requires some set up. Plus, I knew the gym would be more crowded because of the kids went back to school and everyone wants to work on their resolutions.
I did body pump with less than my normal weights. I'm not trying to re-injure myself. I was a little nervous about going back. Is it to soon? What are people going to say? What do I tell them, I never actually WENT to the doctor. I don't want to look like a slacker or one of those people who are just there because it's a new year.
I felt welcome and at home. Even a little guilty for getting a temporary membership to Gym B. I missed seeing the regulars, I miss the classes and the routine. The Know Your Own Strength contest is back and I'm thinking about joining it. Not that I expect to win, because I don't but I did so well last year during the contest. I'd love to get those results again. I'm a competitive personality. Competition does me well. I have to wait until the last round to sign up though, I want to give myself a fair chance. I know I can do better when I'm totally healed.
Lunges, Push ups and planks are especially difficult for me right now. The are basic low impact floor exercises, I know but with my injury and the position of the ankle, it really hurt. Which tells me I am still several weeks out from running or any impact exercise.
Ahh... It feels so good to be back working out again.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I went shopping this weekend! I had a few Christmas things to return that didn't workout/fit whatever from my mom and hubby. So I took the money and went shopping for myself. I spent nearly 4 hours inside TJ Maxx searching for the best deals. I needed so much stuff, I wanted to not only get clothes that I love but the most bang for my buck.
I tried on a variety of clothes, 35 items to be exact, and narrowed it down greatly. At TJ Maxx, I got 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of slacks, 6 shirts, 1 black cardigan type thing, boots and a ring for $145 including tax. Not bad. I went over budget but really not by much and I got a lot of thing I needed. I also hit up Kohls, I had $10 of Kohl's cash to spend or it expired. At Kohl's, I ended up getting a nice sweater and two pairs of leggings (brown and grey). I think I spent $25 total at Kohl's. Then I got a cute button up dress at JC Penny's on clearance for less than $12. What can I say, I'm a happy girl.
I had a lot of fun shopping. Zumara and I spent several hours scouring the stores looking for the best deals both Saturday and Sunday. I tried on so much stuff at TJ Maxx, mostly because I didn't know what size I would be exactly. Out of the 10 pairs of pants, I got the two I liked the most. Most didn't fit my body type right because they are junior sizes. There is a huge difference in the way misses clothes fit me and to the way junior sizes fit. I'm ok with that and I love my curves.
I recall memories of bringing in zillons of clothes into a dressing room to only find out that nothing fit and leave crying. This time, I brought in so much stuff that not only fit but that I liked. I had a really difficult choice narrowing stuff down. I can't wait to be at goal, shopping is fun again.
I called my mom one I left the store to tell her of all my finds and that I really did spend the Christmas money on myself. Often, I can't find anything and the money gets spent on other things before I know it. She asked me to take a picture of my stuff to send to her. So Mariyn took this of me in my favorite outfit.
I love the back of this shirt! The wings have the cutest finger size holes. I feel sexy without showing off too much. <3 Ahh to enjoy shopping again!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I stepped on the scale this morning and it read 185! I was shocked. That is back down the 4 lbs from the holidays. It must have been bloat or something because I am just as flabby looking as I was. I can tell my muscle tone just isn't as defined, maybe that is why I lost weight? Who knows?!? But I'm glad to be back at 185 and not closer to 190. Isnt' it funny the scale can have such an effect on your mood. I went from being disappointed before I even stepped on the scale to optomistic and happy, real quick and nothing about my body really changed.
I'm trying to figure out a new exercise schedule. Mariyn goes back to school on Thursday. Amelia goes back tomorrow. Hopefully, I can figure out something -- soon.
Monday, January 3, 2011
On a different note, I was surprised the other day when going to this gym. Let's call it gym B. Gym B is the largest chain of gyms in my area and probably the most popular but it's not a national chain. The gym I go to, is a national chain but only has a few location in my area (2) and both franchises are owned by the same person/family.
I was a little nervous to go to gym B. A new gym can be very intimidating. The girls and I went with a coupon/certificate thing from my mom. We had to listen to the regular sales pitch in order to get the month pass. I'm not at all interested in signing a contract before I can even use a facility but whatever... I listened, I said no thank you. It wasn't hard to do because the monthly rates are 3 times the amount I am paying, childcare is $5 a month cheaper though. I got a 30 day pass. Upon entering gym B was very different from what I am used to. There were a lot more employees at the gym than mine. And they looked different -- well just average. Many of them, were overweight some obese. At my gym (A), everyone is thin and very attractive. When I started working out, I knew everyone at Gym A was attractive and thin but I just figured that is what all gyms do. They have to sell their membership/concept, right?
After listening to the sells pitch, I put my girls in the childcare. Gym B's childcare facilities are far superior to gym A. The girls had a great time, played and made friends. Always a plus. I took to the locker room and quickly changed for my swim.
The pool was indoors small but long, warm and chemically. I know I'm spoiled because I have my own pool and don't have to use a lot of chemicals. So I'm willing to look past that. There was another lady using the pool. The sauna and spa were also in the pool area. Two guys, who looked like "homies" were hanging out pool side watching. Kinda felt odd but they were there before I was... So I got in and swam. I tried to count laps but I always lose track. I swam for 30 minutes and it just felt so good to be exercising again. It was relaxing and a nice option for me right now.
I got out of the pool and the homies finally left. I got changed, grabbed my kids and left gym B. It will be a huge blessing for me this winter. But I can't get over how different the two gyms really are. Then there is this awkward part of me that feels like I was unfaithful/cheating on gym a, my gym. Weird, I know.
I'm hoping to squeeze in more swim/gym time into my schedule this week.
I slept in a little longer than I should have but I got up and met her and the 4,5,6, and 8 mile marks. Then back at the finish line. I miss running. I want to sign up for an event but I know my foot/ankle isn't ready yet. I don't know when it will be. Hopefully, soon. All I can do is be supportive for my runner friends.
Zumara was amazing this morning. Check out her legs. I'm so proud of her.