Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Milestone Loss

Had a great workout today, body pump and cycle. My legs were tired from my extra long walk yesterday and my wrist is sore. I'm not really sure what I did to it, but it's been bothering me since last week. I thought I slept on it wrong but it still hurts and it's been nearly a week. I'm starting to wonder if I should go to the doctor but I don't really want another bill especially if there is nothing they can do for it and it will heal on it's own. The weather has been beautiful lately, sunny and warm. Perfect for outdoor activities and grilling BUT the forecast says it will be raining most of this week. I guess, I should be thankful it's this week and not next. Next week Mariyn is on Spring break. I'm so looking forward to it.

Weigh in today was AWESOME! Best loss I've had in a long time, which is probably not a direct result of this week but a combination of the previous few little to no loss weeks. This week I lossed 5lbs! Which leads me to my biggest weight loss milestone yet -52lbs! WOW! God is so good and I am half way to my goal!

As I write this, someone was knocking on my door. Inviting them to their church. A new church in town, Lighthouse Baptist Church. I talked to him for a bit. Even though, I'm not baptist-- they hold a special place in my heart. Always reminds me of my family and just how truly great God is. He is always there. Always.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Busy Busy

It's been another great day. Amelia and I went to Costco this morning. Got tons of great food...and samples! Yumm... They had lemon cookies and chips. So delicious. I haven't had either in such a long time. I figured a sample was probably ok. It's not like I'm cheating on my diet and the sample seemed to be great portion control... ok ok, so maybe I feel like I cheated because I haven't had any of these type of treats for a long time. Oh but it was worth it! After school, I pitched a few buckets of wiffle balls to Mariyn. She really loves softball and I love spending the quality time with her.

While we were out, a dog wandered by. He was older, yellow lab seemed friendly so we took him in. It seems we're always rescuing dogs since we moved into this house. Mariyn says we have a dog rescuing business. Not any profit in it, but it is rewarding to help a doggy get home safe to it's family. As soon as we found the dog, it was time to get ready for the gym. Monday night is kickboxing, always a great class! After the class, I came home and walked the dog we found around the neighborhood in hopes of finding it's owner. I walked down my street until the end with no luck. Then I thought, I'll text my friend, she lives in my neighborhood and knows EVERYONE. If someone by her is missing their dog, she'll know. Funny thing is, it ended up being HER dog! What are the odds! I've been to her house a few times and didn't know they had dogs. Just Saturday she we were talking about dogs and I remembered she said she had 2. Had she not said anything, I probably wouldn't have thought to check with her. Anyways, she lives in the complete opposite direction that I was walking... so I ended up walking about 2.25 miles to help the dog find it's home. AFTER kickboxing. My legs are tired!

I noticed I forgot to blog again on Friday. Geesh, guess I'm slacking. I notice that when most of my friends don't blog about their weightloss/goal it's because they have temporarily fallen off track. Well, that is not the case for me. I've just been super busy between softball, family and the gym. But I will say, I've not been as careful with my diet this week. I have felt ravenous at times and well, too tired to cook. I think I've made good choices overall. Guess I'll know for sure tomorrow during weigh in :)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Life is Good

This morning I hoped online to see if there were official race times for Saturday's 5K. I was really just curious, I have an idea of my time but just wanted to know "officially". Unfortunately, race times aren't available. I decided to scroll down and look at all the names of the people who place. There it was... my NAME! In FIRST place! I was astonished, I was amazed. I am so proud! My goal was to finish, I thought it was possible that I would come in last. I prepared myself and my family for that my goal wasn't to be the fastest, my goal was to finish. Don't get me wrong, I've always thought it would be cool to win but I didn't think it was possible -- not on my first race --Not while I am still obese. All I can say is I really just feel so blessed and full of pure bliss.

I tried to take a screen shot but I just can't get it to post. So, if you want to see for yourself, and I know you do :) Open this link. If I had a camera I'd take a picture of the medal I got this afternoon!

Oh and today, I had another great workout with Clare. We ran. Life is good.

Skipped a day ...

Late last night, I realized I didn't blog yesterday. Opps! I'm shocked I forgot. I decided that it must not have been that eventful if I forgot to document my day and I decided it would be ok if I just went to bed. If you really need to know, I had a great workout and run w/ Clare. Then had softball practice. Yesterday was one of those days when you're running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Too much to do and of course if you're not running late your waiting around on someone else. Yeah it was that sort of day. When we finally got home I was so tired I didn't even want to cook. I convinced Rich we should just go out to eat, I was so tired. But once he mentioned Taco Bell, I miraculously found the energy to stick to my diet and just cook.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Weighing In...

My word for today:

1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I weighed in at 211 lbs. Getting out of the 200's is going to be a lot than I thought! The positive thing, is the scale is moving in the right direction again! That is a 2lbs loss! I'm hoping to build on it and just keep pushing through. I still have 11 lbs to lose in order to meet my personal weight loss goal before the end of the month. I think it may be possible, depending on whether or not my body cooperates. Even though the scale concerns me and says I haven't made that much progress lately, I know I have. I know I feel trimmer and most importantly I've been meeting new fitness goals. I know God willing with preserverance I can continue focusing on my goals.

Amelia and I got up early today. I did body pump and cycle. It's a great combo and while, it still kicks my butt, I don't feel the exhaustion I used to feel. Whenever I am at the gym and I notice new people or very overweight people working out, I try my best to smile and pass on positive encouragement. I know, it is always encouraging to me when someone notices my hard work. Today, there was a new overweight person in body pump. She was right next to me, so I helped her out in class and after class I talked to her a bit. I told her about my weight loss and how difficult the gym was for me when I first started. But I decided just to keep on coming, stay motivated and you will get the results you want to see. The smallest things kept me motivated when I first started and I just want to make sure I pass whatever positivity around that I can. I challenge you to do the same. :)

Monday, March 22, 2010


I came across this pic and I think it sums up how I feel right now better than any rambling that I can do :D You know what they say, a picture is worth a 1,000 words!

Life seems to be getting busier. Softball season, working out and just wanting to be more active, outside. It's one of my favorite times of year. I spent the day planning or should I say dreaming of my running future. My Gold's gym competition is almost over. A couple more weeks max and with my first 5K under my belt, I feel confident enough to train for anything. My main focus is going to remain my weight loss goals but I know that I have to continue my fitness goals in order to meet them. I think training for events will help keep more motivated and accountable. If I focus on these things, plus diet and my regular exercise. I'm sure the weight will just continue to fall off.

I've decided on two more 5K challenges. The first one is May 16th, it's another local competition at the Oakdale Chocolate Festival but is sponsored by the shadow chase running club. I think it will be more competitive then the last but still relatively small. I might let Mariyn participate in the 1 mile kids run. She seemed really interested in Saturday's event. I'm still thinking about letting Mariyn but I think she is responsible enough. The other 5K event is a Nike Women's Festival in Sacramento on June 6th. I'm sure this one will be more competitive but I'll have 2 other 5K's under my belt and plenty of time to practice. It's relatively inexpensive and we get a lot of goodies for participating. The best part is the money raised goes to Women's causes. I love that. I really love that most of these activities raise money and awareness for charities and other not for profit organizations.

Depending on how these go, I am heavily considering doing a the Nike Women's Half Marathon in San Fransisco. It's in October, which will mark 1 year of my weight loss and fitness journey. 1 year of hard work, determination, commitment and blessings. A half marathon is 13 miles and while I know I'm no where near that now, I think it might be possible come October.

Tonight, I did cardio kickboxing. It was a great workout. My legs have been sore all weekend from the run. I wasn't too sore today but I just wasn't ready to lift weights. I'll resume my weight training tomorrow. I'm optimistic about my weigh in. A little nervous but I think I had an o.k. week. Guess we will just have to wait and see!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

First 5K

A few short months ago, I attempted to run. I don't know if you could even call it running - it was more like waddling with speed. It was a challenge to lug my 200+ pound body at a speed faster than walking. Who am I kidding, before I started working out in October, sometimes just walking made me breathless. I've always had a love hate relationship with running. Let's face it, I hated to run but loved the idea of being able to do it. I guess I sort of admired runners from a far. Running appeared to be one of those sort of torturous challenges: hard to do but rewarding to complete.

I've always admired how physically fit runners are. You know you have to be in great shape to WANT to run. Why would any normal person want to torture themselves that way? On October 5th when I decided to change my body, it wasn't just my body that I decided to change. I'm changing my life. I decided that I am going to become one of those physically fit people who can do active things, adventures like running, biking, hiking and just enjoying the outdoors more. As I lost weight, I decided that I want to be one of those fit people who CAN run. I can change my life and not be limited as much by my body.

In January I started working out and running with Clare. She is hands down one of the most amazing women I have ever met. I pushed myself to my limits and could barely run 2 minutes, even months after working out. Each week, I've pushed myself harder to keep up with Clare. Thus changing my weightless journey from just weighing less to having more physical goals. It was then, the first day I ran with Clare that Mariyn brought home a fundraiser for her school, a family fun run. I decided I was going to complete my first 5K and I had a date to complete it by March 20th. A no stress family fun run in my own community.

I had a busy day yesterday. I had so much to do, load and charge my i-pod, plan and clean my running clothes. Plus, taking care of the kids (and babysitting my niece and nephew). I planned a runners dinner - whole wheat spaghetti, asparagus and garlic bread. I laid the girls clothes out because I know I am not a morning person and getting us all up and out of the house before 8 am was going to be a marathon in it's self. I loaded over an hours worth of music on to my running play list because let's face it. I knew it was going to take a while to finish my 5K. All I had ran up until this point was 30 minutes - a little over 2 miles. So I figured it would take me about 45 minutes to finish the 5K. I loaded music suggested by some of my most supportive friends. Friends who were running along side of me in spirit. Rich and my girls, along with my mom, brother, sister and her kids, came out to support me cheering me on and meeting me at the finish line.

I got up early this morning, tired but nervous and excited to. I had my usual breakfast: protein and a banana. Made the family some hard boiled eggs. We were out the door before 8 am, I checked in got my registration number: 220. The race had a much larger turnout than I expect. I heard someone say it was over 300 people, what a great turnout to support our schools! I began to get more nervous. I couldn't believe that I was going to do a 5K. Still well over 200lbs but I knew I was in much better shape than my body appears to others. Waiting for the race to begin, I let Mariyn listen to my i-pod. I put one of my favorite songs on it, Martina McBride's In My Daughter's eyes to remind me of my girls, the reasons I stay motivated day after day to be in better health.

When it was time to line up, I kissed my family good bye. I lined up a few rows back, kind of at the beginning of the middle of the flock of people. I took of and waved good bye to my family, and set my i-pod to the running play list I created last night. At that moment, I felt so proud, so accomplished and so grateful for all the blessings God has provided me. I wanted to cry but I was still surrounded by runners. I remembered to pace myself but I was quickly feeling winded. I remembered there would be a water checkpoint about half way through. I just kept telling myself to keep on going, I wasn't ready to stop yet. Keep running. I wanted to run the whole thing but I knew I would be satisfied just finishing. I haven't had much opportunity to run outside. I wasn't that familiar with the distance and pacing while running outside. I wasn't even that familiar with the neighborhood the course was in. So many people were out there cheering us along all the way. I really felt like I was doing something important - something worth accomplishing. Soon enough I ran past a family serving water to all the runners. I decided at that after I hit that point I could walk for a little while, catch my breath, I wasn't going to be dissappointed. I knew I could finish the course. The flock of runners had sort of dispersed. Some were in front of my some where behind. I was tired and struggling to keep my pace. I walked and ran most of the second half, running a lot more than I walked. It was such a beautiful and glorious day. Did I mention how blessed I truly am? As I approached a rolling hill, I was worn out, one of the other runners I was pacing myself with had slowed. Breathlessly, I encouraged her to keep going. She smiled and started back up running. Soon, I was nearly finished. I could see runners heading towards me. They must have already finished and just turned around to encourage everyone else. Sherri's song came on, Everything. I had listened to it a few times yesterday it's such a pretty song but now I was listening to it hearing the words finishing my 5K. The funny thing is, I knew I set this high enough in my play list that I thought I would hear it at the beginning of the middle of my run. Just at the point where I thought I would need some encouragement. I placed the songs my friends selected every throughout the play list just to keep me motivated. As I reached the final stretch, a quarter mile or so from the finish line, I seen one of my counseling mentors (an Amazing woman to me) cheering me on. I smiled gave her a thumbs up and decided it was time to sprint. The crowd was really clapping and cheering each runner on as we all entered the finish line zone. My family was there, at the end waiting for me just behind the finish line cheering me even louder than the crowd. I did it! I made it! I completed my 5K! I was happy, I was ecstatic, I was breathless! I felt so fulfilled, so triumphant! So blessed! So thirsty.

I sat down caught my breath and got a drink of water. I didn't hear my time as I crossed the finish line. I told my family not to be surprised if I was dead last. Mariyn thought I would finish first, I knew I wouldn't but I just wanted to finish. I ended up somewhere in the middle, with a time around 32 minutes. A lot faster than I had anticipated!

Reflecting on my accomplishment there are a few things I need to do to improve my running. I need to get out and run outside more frequently. Most of my running has been on a treadmill and I've been able to push myself watching a clock. Each minute I push myself for to go for another minute more or to finish to X miles. I need to learn to pace myself better, I have never made 3 miles in 32 minutes. Obviously, I uped my pace which caused me to get breathless more quickly and not be able to run the entire race. I need new running shoes. I already knew this but I didn't want to break in new shoes the day of the race and well, they just weren't in the budget this week.

In May, there is another local 5K. I'm going to sign up and do it again. From there, who knows. I am thinking I might try to complete a 1/2 marathon in October at the Nike Women's Marathon. Gotta have goals, right?

Oh and here are some pics, courtesy of my mom's iphone.

Friday, March 19, 2010


I've decided to take the day off of exercise. Yep, I feel the need to blog about it. Fridays, I normally do Zumba plus a bit of weights. Not the most strenuous workout but just sort of wrapping the week up. I think I should rest today because tomorrow is my 5K and I don't want to over work anything today. Instead, I am going to prepare for my goal tomorrow: finish a 5K.

I was reading an article the other day and found the following passage, "The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." All goals start with a small idea and work forward from there. My goal started October 5th, when I decided I was going to exercise, or die trying. I know I will finish my race tomorrow: running or walking and be completely satisfied that I had the courage to start.

I'm sure I will hear all of you cheering my on, whether you are physically there or not. You have been such a great support system for me. I appreciate and thank you all so much. Today I plan on re-charging my i-pod loading up some new songs and getting some rest for myself. I am so excited about tomorrow and about my future.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Zumba Me Up

Zumba was great tonight, just what I needed a little pick me up. I didn't get to Zumba at all last week and I really missed it. I worked out my legs hard with the weights for about an hour before class. Then did Zumba. My rump was really sore from yesterdays workout. I was surprised in a good way. Change must be happening. Many of the regulars commented on how much thinner I look, it was nice to hear. Even though, I know the scale didn't change in the last few weeks, it sort of confirms that my body is in deed changing - getting more muscular. I wanted to try Yoga today but I didn't remember in time for this mornings class and I couldn't make the evening class. I was thinking it would be a nice stretch and pre-run workout. Only two more days until my 5K.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

My plan... no God's Plan

After my classes at the gym yesterday, my mom and I met up and went to Big 5 Sporting Goods. She wanted to get a pair of weight lifting gloves. To my surprise my mom also bought me a pair! I have needed some so badly, my hands hurt. But right now, I need so many things. I have to prioritize and budget accordingly. The gloves are such a blessing!

I've been thinking of my lack of weight loss the last couple weeks. Perhaps I hit a plateau, perhaps I over trained. I was talking to two of my dearest friends, you know the ones you call when you just need someone to talk to. Lucia always gives me great advice. She is a great listener and truly has a different but logical take on various situations I've gotten myself into. I was complaining to Lucia about my lack of weight loss saying "I feel like I wasted that whole 2 weeks because I didn't get any results. You know, when you're working towards a goal - I want to be going that way losing weight. Otherwise, it just doesn't feel worth it." Lucia reminded me that although I didn't lose weight, I did maintain and that is important too. Later on I talked to one of my besties, Alana. Alana is also a heavy girl, she recently auditioned for biggest loser and truly knows me intimately. She knows the ups and downs that come along with being over weight. I complained to her, something similar to what I said to Lucia and Alana said, "You know Sara, if you're sticking to your routine, following your diet the weight is going to come off. Don't worry about it, just keep on doing what your doing. If your not sticking to your routine or your diet then you need to jump back on the wagon. But since you know you're not doing anything wrong, just wait. Sometimes, that happens in our weight loss journeys." It was such a good thing for me to hear. I know I'm progressing, I feel stronger every day. I feel more energetic and while, the weight is important to me, it's not the most important factor in my journey.

With that said, I decided to change my routine up at the gym, I pushed for 4 sets of 20 on each of the machines I did today. During weight time, I focused soley on my core and hips. I ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. I tried to up my pace, so I can get a faster mile. It was hard. I didn't have grand results, I had to push pause a few times and take a breather. But I know the only way I am going to progress and get faster is if I continue to push myself. I did run the entire time, no walking. I just had to pause and catch my breath. I hope to find that perfect breathing pace and adjust soon. Plus, I didn't want to push myself too hard, only a few days before my 5K but I wanted to push myself enough to benefit. I went to the gym twice today, weights and running with Clare around noon. Then weights after Softball practice with Rich.

I love Spring. It was a great day and I love the progress that I have made physically. My journey isn't really MY journey. It's God's will and I have to let him have more glory and control for my success. God is awesome and he truly strengthens me.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


I think that's where I'm at. No weight loss to report this week. 23 weeks into my journey with 2 weeks of no significant weight loss, I'm pretty sure I hit a plateau. I ate really well last week, I worked out hard. It must be time to change it up a bit. I'm not really sure what I should change. I don't think I can possibly make healthier eating choices and I know I can't exercise more. So I guess I'm left with exercising differently.
As soon as I finished Body Pump and Spin this morning, I went and registered for the 5K fun run this weekend. It's officially - I've paid for it - no backing out. I think my family is going to come out and cheer me on! I'm going to focus more on running and I think I might have been doing too much weight training the last couple of weeks.
My body type tends to bulk up rather easily and I'm naturally very strong and muscular. Which could account for the lack of weight loss but it's hard to say. I was starting to think I've been doing too much cardio, but perhaps that is not the case. I was talking to one of the trainers and he thinks I may be doing too much weight training. There are two early morning spin classes, 5:30 am, I think I might try to get in my schedule. I'm so not a morning person though. I just love the results I get from spin, my legs are getting firmer and more shapely. I know that whatever the reason is for my lack of weightloss is, I really need to just get over it and stay focused on my fitness goals. It's just a bump in the road.

Monday, March 15, 2010


My brothers 3 kids spent the night last night and stayed until about 4 this afternoon. They didn't have school today, but Mariyn did. Let me tell you I am exhausted, my brothers kids can be very rowdy. I took them to the park and played softball with them for over an hour. Plus, I pitched them wiffle balls here at home for a while. When they left, I laid Amelia down for a nap and fell asleep myself. I didn't want to get up but I knew I would feel bad if I didn't make it to the gym. I barely made it in time - and I just did cardio kickboxing. Every move seemed super challenging today - and it was just the regular routine. There weren't very many people in class tonight - maybe 10. With the time change, I bet a lot of regulars were extra tired and just didn't make it. I know tonight, I was thinking of all the reasons I didn't want to go to the gym - or at least go as much. Must be the gorgeous weather contributing to my lack of enthusiasm. I really don't want to get burnt out...

Friday, March 12, 2010

Caught a bug...

Monday - Weights + Cardio Kick boxing
Tuesday - Zumba
Wednesday - Body Pump + 30 mins of running + light workout w/ Rich
Thursday - Body Pump + Spin + light workout w/ Rich
Friday - 30 mins of cardio

I got to the gym today, looking forward to a fun class of Zumba. Turns out zumba was cancelled today. I have to admit I was a little disappointed so I figured I would try the cycling class. Unfortunately, the lady in front of me got the last ticket. Determined to workout I decided to hit the treadmill, I figured it would be nice to get in a bit of training time in today. I seen one of my Zumba buddies and started talking away. Finally I went in and took care of business and started in on my cardio cinema. As soon as I started running, I had to go to the bathroom. Normally, I go as soon as I get to the gym just so I'm not interrupted. With all my chatting I got a little distracted. I decided I would at least make it to 10 minutes before I stopped to go. I know that every time I stop running, it's harder for me to start again - it's like losing momentum. At the 10 minute mark, I decided I would complete a mile and then go. It didn't seem like it would be too much harder. I wanted to see what my mile time was. I hadn't payed too much attention to it before but I know I want to improve upon my running time. 11 minutes 28 seconds into my run, I hit the mile mark. I stopped, went to the bathroom and came back. Once I started running again. I've been running at a speed of 4.8 - I wondered what speed would I have to have the machine set to in order to make a 10 minute mile? After messing with the controls, (and an obvious, DUH) it's 6.0. So I decided that I will gradually increase my speed until I can run at 6.0 long enough to make a 10 minute mile - obviously not going to happen today but I know I'm showing signs of improvement. Right before the 15 minute mark my knee started to really hurt. So, I decided I should probably switch machines and give it a rest. I finished up the rest of my cardio time on the elliptical. I've always had bad knees, previous injuries and such. Plus, I know that I worked out hard this week and I've demanded a lot from my body. Fridays are normally my easy days and I'd rather take time off than be hurt. Especially because I am determined now more than ever to complete my first 5K next weekend.

I think the I've caught a bit of a competition bug. I'm looking forward to my 5K and wondering what I can plan next. If I complete this, like I am determined to, what should be my next goal? Should I run another 5K? I know 3 miles really isn't a lot for a runner but it's will be a huge accomplishment for me! Should I start training for something more? What type of training would it take to do something bigger like a 10k, 1/2 marathon, or something more? Yesterday, I was out running errands and Mariyn asked for a snack. It was warm out but her throat has been scratchy so I stopped and got the girls a Jamba Juice. I picked up the competitor magazine and started flipping through it. It's so neat to see all the endurance competition. In September there is a marathon in Kaua'i. How amazing that must be! I'd love to be able to run a marathon, at least once in my life time. I know it is intense training and I am no where near ready for that... but I can dream can't I? I've decided that once I complete my 5K, I will work pick another competition to work towards. I'm hoping it will help keep me focused and driven. Who knows maybe in a few years, running a marathon in Kaua'i won't seem too out of reach.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

What a difference...

Mariyn started softball practice yesterday (I am coaching). It was a great feeling to her enjoy the sport I love. I coached her T-ball team last year. It was then, I really noticed how out of shape I was. Little things, like running the bases seemed so challenging to me. Stretching and warming up got me winded. This year, 45lbs lighter and in a lot better physical condition is going to be different. I ran with the kids yesterday and didn't feel the least bit tired from running, stretching or warming up with the girls. It just felt right. Of course, I felt good knowing the changes I've made and what a difference exercise has made.

I got to the gym early this morning, I wanted to make sure I got the back to back body pump and cycle classes since I missed them on Tuesday. If you recall though, this is the same instructor I had last week, the drill Sargent personality. I decided that I'm not going to let her get in my head and I'm not going to allow myself to feel inadequate. I know how much I've changed; I know what I am capable of and I know I am going to be healthy again. In college I had many professors I didn't like but still gained knowledge from and tolerated in order to meet my goals. I figured I would go into this class with the same attitude. I know she is challenging and despite her criticism I am going to get a good workout and meet my goals. Today, I did just that. I noticed she seemed to correct all the new comers - in the same manner as she did me last week. This week, she didn't correct me as much - twice both were minor. I was more cautious about my form though, which could be a good thing I guess. After the gym, I came home made Amelia lunch, grabbed a handful of almonds for myself. Then we took a much needed nap.

When I picked Mariyn up from school, one of my friends little girl, Emma asked why I always wore the same thing. In a cute way. I do always wear my gym clothes around town. Her mom explained, "because she always goes to the gym, she is in better shape than mommy." This sort of shocked me because this mom is a runner. She may not go to the gym but I know she runs for recreation and she is already thin. I doubt I am really in better shape than she is but I do frequent the gym more often. She does P90X and runs when she can. It still felt like she was complimenting me though.

This afternoon, Mariyn practiced batting. She is going to be my little slugger. She needs a bit more practice though but we enjoyed spending the time together. Rich and I went to the gym again this evening. I rode the bike, slowly like you would for recreation, the worked on my abs and hips. Trying to be supportive and go to the gym with the hubby but not wanting to change my routine can be a little extreme but I'm trying.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


I made it to the Weds morning body pump. It starts a little later and I feel the instructor doesn't challenge you as hard as Tuesdays but she is very friendly. I didn't get any weight training done yesterday, so I wanted to get as much as possible today. Clare and I met for cardio and tonight I plan on going to the gym with Rich.

I realize this week that my 5K is coming up quickly! In only 10 days, to be exact! If I am going to make it, I really need to step up the running. My last good running day was 2 weeks ago. Last week, I ran but not as good as the week before. I decided I was going to push myself harder today but I knew 16 mins of running would be hard for me to beat. We ran on the treadmills on the floor, not in the cinema. These treadmills have a lot more options. I set my treadmill, started running at a comfortable pace and started chatting with Clare. At about 7 minutes I was amazed that I could still hold a conversation. The next time looked at the timer it read nearly 13 mins. I was still talking away with Clare. Finally I passed up 20 minutes. Talking was getting a bit more difficult. I decided I was going to run for the entire 30 minutes but I was happy with my body and the accomplishment I already made. 25 minutes came and went, I really pushed myself to continue. I was nearly breathless. Finally, 28 minutes I decided I was going to pick up the pace then I sprinted for the last 30 seconds. All together I ran for 30 minutes! WOW! I feel so accomplished - coming from a girl who could barely run 2 minutes 2 months ago, who feared the treadmill, who decided on October 5th that I was going to do cardio full knowing that there was a chance I would die in the cardio cinema. I truly feel great! I ended up running over 2.3 miles and with my cool down, completed about 2.5miles! Today is a great day! I'm so optimistic about my future and the 5K. Most importantly, I'm so excited about how far I've come with my fitness goals!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


Today was my monthly mom's bible study - so I missed this morning's body pump and spin. Basically, I'm planning on flip flopping my Tuesday / Thursday routine this week. Zumba was good tonight... I didn't realize how much I'd missed Ana's class. She is fun, just not my favorite. Her music is great though.

I truly over indulged this weekend and it was totally self defeating in the weight loss department. The trainer scale read 213, the same as I was last week (on my home scale). I do think it's possible that I may have still had a small loss this week: I'm a bit constipated and I didn't weigh myself at the same time of day as I have been. But I know my loss isn't grand and I'm ok if I didn't lose because I know I indulged and didn't focus on my diet. Chaz, a personal trainer, told me tonight - you're body doesn't know it's the weekend - it doesn't take the time off. So true, he also said he struggles with the same thing, which was nice to hear. I have until the end of the month to lose this 13 lbs and get under 200lbs. I really need to stay focused. My 5K is coming up soon and softball starts tomorrow. I need to start running a bit more so I can make my fitness goal. I really want to be able to run the whole 5k most of all, I want to complete it.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Pick Me Up

This weekend I indulged quiet a bit. I needed to go grocery shopping, we were all out of fresh foods but didn't want to go. So we ended up eating out. I tried to practice portion control but I also suggested we have frozen yogurt after dinner (3 days in a row). I'm sure the scale will reflect the indulgence this week. I know it was really self defeating and will make meeting the 200lb mark a lot harder if I don't consistently lose each week.

I've been kinda down on myself and about my weight. I'm really proud of my progress but really upset about myself for letting myself go as far as I did. I know it's sort of irrational because I am doing so well, I look better and feel healthier but I am still obese, I've lost -45lbs but I am within a few pounds of my post pregnancy weight with Amelia and Mariyn for that matter. I guess it's because I think of that each time I think about my weight and I know I am almost half way to my goal. Also, the drill sergeant, I mean body pump instructor on Thursday really got to me. She has been the only negative instructor I've come across. She just seemed so critical. Maybe I just have to get used to her style, maybe her class will really help me improve since I'm out of my comfort zone.

I had a really busy day today. I got up early, went to Costco for food. I'm tired of eating junk. I got some delicious berries and other fresh food. I was craving a salad. Luckily, it's Monday night, salad night. I left the house this morning with out eating. I know smart, right. So I ended up eating an energy bar. I finished at Costco just in time to pick up Mariyn from school. I was starving and had a massive headache from hunger and was just really sluggish. I ended up opening a jar of almonds to snack on in the car. I finally got to eat around 2:30. My headache lingered for a while - so I decided to have an XS energy drink during my workout. Otherwise, I just might not have made it through my routine. I got in about 45 mins of weights + Cardio Kickboxing with Ticka. She is so positive and uplifting. I drank my XS just before her class. Headache gone, full of energy, I was a kicking cardio kickboxing butt! I really did end up with a great work out, some postivity and encouragement - it was exactly what I needed.

Sunday, March 7, 2010


I was standing in my room last night talking to Rich. I noticed a pile of my pants in his closet, my clothes are kept in the spare room. These pants were ones that I had grown out of... many of them that I thought I would never wear again, in a range of sizes. Immediately, I began trying things on. Many of them still don't fit- a lot of them are out of style - but some of them did fit! Actually 3 pairs of pants (2 pair of jeans), 1 denim capri, and some shorts! How exciting! I've been wanting jeans so badly.

I was still a bit emotional, and embarrassed trying things on. Every pair, Rich asked, what size are those? When was the last time you wore them? He was trying to be supportive but trying on clothes has been an emotional nightmare for me over the years. Many of the things, I bought last time I lost weight (due to gallstones) were still too small. Hopefully, in a couple more weeks. I had lots of express jeans, from before I had children - that were still too small. Hopefully, when I'm at my goal - even though I fully intend on buying a lot of new clothes. It will be exciting to see these fit again.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Weekly Wrap Up

Monday - weights + cardio kickboxing
Tuesday - Body Pump + Cycle
Wednesday - weights + treadmill
Thursday - Body Pump + cycle
Friday - Weights + Zumba

I probably spent 10 hours or so in the gym this week. This week, I cut my night classes down to 1. Adrianna, my favorite Zumba instructor noticed I was not there last night and called me on it today. I felt bad that I didn't go but I really feel like I might be getting better results from some of my other classes. Zumba is great cardio and it's fun but I rarely get breathless in class anymore and often only need to get 1 sip of water the entire hour. I know I'm buring calories but I want the most results for my time spent at the gym. I'm also tired of rushing homework time, dinner, bath and bed time during our family evening time. I have to admit I feel a little guilty that I can go to the gym all day but don't because my favorite classes are at night. Next week, I have bible study Tuesday so I know I will miss body pump and cycle then, so I will be doing them Thursday morning. I still enjoyed Zumba this morning, it's more like a treat than a workout now. I am torn about cutting it out of my schedule entirely.

I know Zumba is has a lot to do with my success. I enjoyed it so much, I got hooked on going and made it part of my regular routine. As I've become more inshape I've been able to push myself more and branch out. Cycle has really helped shape my legs. I've always had thick gladiator legs and they really are slimming, firming and sculpting. I love it but I know I would have never had the endurance or confidence to cycle if it wasn't for Zumba. Adrianna is leaving this summer and when she goes, I feel that will be a good time to permanently part ways with Thursday night Zumba.

Softball season is approaching. We start practice next week. I'm coaching Mariyn's team - coach pitch and I know that will take up a fair share of our time too. I'm a little nervous because it's a responsibility I will have - sort of a test to make sure that I can still find gym time even though I have other commitments. I know softball will take up Saturday mornings and one evening a week - not too pressing but I'm still a little nervous. I'm treating it as a test not to fall back into my old habits.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


I've always been the type of person who is hard to get to know. I'm friendly and out going but rarely let people in close enough to ever hurt me. I can't really tell you why... I just do, I think everyone does to some extent. I keep part of myself guarded I know this pushes some people away but if I let you in, I let you in completely trusting you 100%. It takes a lot for me to get angry and in a few rare cases have I been hurt by someone I am close to but it does happen and it cuts like a knife. When it does, I struggle to forgive. For years, I've held on to anger, resentment and hurt to a level that is unhealthy. Incidents consume my thoughts at night and during alone time to the point that I can not get them out of my head. I can get angry for months, or years after the incident occurred just by the memory. As I am growing in Christ, I know how important it is for me to forgive. I've been praying, a lot, about forgiving certain people. I've tried praying for these people and really I feel less angry and even a bit remorseful of my own actions. I'm accepting responsibility for my part in the relationship and I really just feel better.

I've always loved the Dixie Chicks, especially the song, "I'm not ready to make nice". When the song first came out I felt a deep connection to the lyrics, I was struggling with an incident with someone I used to completely adore, my grandmother. I used to feel so passionate, so fueled, when I heard the song. It really was my theme song for so long.... so angry, so betrayed, so hurt. I've avoided going to family events that I think my grandma might show up. So I don't have to feel rejected or hurt. So I don't have to feel angry. I've really had to emotionally prepare myself for the roller coaster of emotions I have when I even think about her, let alone see her. I get like this often, and it's not just with her, but it's most severe with her, more emotional. I still love her and want to be accepted but the fear of rejection hurts. Like I said, I've really been working on myself, working with God and praying to be more forgiving. I am really at a huge stepping point for me. Grandma called me on Christmas, I missed the call and listened to her message the next day. I cried --for a long time. You see, she has been my hero, my whole life I've looked up to her. I called her back a few days later, once I was emotionally prepared to talk to her but I ended up leaving a message. In the mean time, I've been praying about forgiveness. I think about her often and I want to reach out. I guess I am still scared in so many ways.

Today, I really challenged myself physically. I did body pump and cycle back to back for the second time this week. This instructor was brutal very much like a drill Sargent and I didn't like that style but I liked being pushed, pushing myself. Of course, the last song she played for our cool down and stretch was "I'm not ready to make nice". I was pouring sweat and I could feel myself tearing up thinking of Grandma, thinking of the rage of emotions I used to feel - especially when I hear that song. Feeling it and taking it in, I realized I'm ready to pick up the phone and call her again. I'm really ready to let it go. I wasn't angry or bitter. I wasn't full of rage, the song just didn't provoke the same feelings it once did. Instead, I just felt sad that I let a simple misunderstanding take my grandma out of my life for years. I think now that even if I am not accepted the way I want, I am still ready to finally forgive. Perhaps, I already have?

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Changing my life

Less than 10 short years ago, I was attractive and in shape. I have always been an athlete who enjoyed softball, soccer, and volleyball. In fact, I loved soccer so much I played throughout junior college, into my first trimester when I was pregnant with Mariyn. I've played softball since I was 8 years old. In the summer, I got to play travel ball in tournaments all over California. I continued to play slow pitch in recreational leagues until I got pregnant with Amelia in 2006 and went back to grad school. I've always loved sports and being active. Knowing this you may ask yourself, how did you possibly get this overweight? It's o.k. I've also asked myself that same question.

As a child, I was awkwardly thin. My nickname was boney maroney - my grandma even sang me a song. "I've got a girl named boney maroney, she is so skinny like a stick of macaroni." Then teen years hit, I got my period and I got boobs. Not just any boobs. You can say I was blessed just like all the women in my family - very well endowed. I don't recall ever wearing a training bra. One summer I went from nothing... and I mean nothing... to a C cup. In high school I was a DD and an F cup before graduation. I was blessed though because I was an athlete I was in amazing shape and I have curves, a true hour glass figure. I knew it too and I loved my body.

My mom was always one of those very thin women. She is about 5'5" and until recently always weighed well under 125lbs. She is beautiful, people never believe she is my mother and not my sister. She dresses fashionable and very young for her age. My father, was a short fat man. My mom says he wasn't always fat but that he had medical conditions and medication that made him gain a lot of weight. She says he was actually very attractive when he was younger. Considering he died, at a young age of 40, I am just going to have to believe her. Growing up family life was always crazy. Nothing was ever normal in our home but we constantly pretended it was. My parents worked for themselves and were rarely home. I don't recall very many home cooked meals. We had cereal for dinner or just about any meal we wanted because my sister was virtually in charge which truly meant we were all fending for ourselves. I would say this is when my bad eating habits started. I remember using food as a weapon against my mom and I would not eat for days just to see if she noticed. I was a kid, I didn't realize what I was doing wasn't hurting her. It was creating bad habits in me.

I vividly recall so many negative talks about my older sister and her weight issues. She was never the skinny sister. Ricki and I were the skinny sisters. I knew I never wanted to get fat like Kelly. Ricki was the pretty sister, I was the smart sister and Kelly she was the nice sister. We all had "our" qualities and we all knew exactly what we were. The older we got, we realized we were like sizes Kelly, large, I was medium, Ricki, small. Looking back, Kelly was never a fat kid just not boney maroni like me, thin like Ricki or shaped like my mom. She was always normal sized for her age. The older we got the more I realized I had a lot of negative thoughts about fat people and not wanting to be one of "them".

I was never going to be as thin as my mom though, that is just not what God intended for me. My dad died when I was 14, alcohol became a major part of my life. I nearly stopped playing sports and struggled in school. During my late teen years, my mom and I used to fight so much about my weight. It finally became an issue to her, just like Kelly. At age 19, I was living with my sister and my mom started staying there too. She sat me down and we had a "talk". She felt the need to tell me how disgustingly fat I was and how I needed to diet. I've always been head strong and I didn't take this talk to well. The talk ended up getting physical and I left. I was grown, I could no longer be pushed around and I wasn't about to hit my mother. I was moving out and away to college in a couple days anyways, so I figured it would just be easier on everyone if I left.

I moved to San Diego and I absolutely loved life. I felt independent and normal. Rich and I were dating, pretty seriously but he lived up here, 8 hours away. We got to see each other about once a month. On October 12th, Mariyn was conceived. While pregnant with her, I moved back up to be with Rich and quickly gained 68lbs most of which was during my last trimester. The day I delivered Mariyn I lost 30lbs. I sat weighing 203lbs I never really got thinner. I never really tried. At this time, my mom suggessted that I audtion for a reality show - like total makeover to get liposucciton. She that it would be impossible to lose as much weight as I needed to.

Let's face it, I was 20 years old majorly depressed and felt pregnancy had destroyed my body. I wanted to continue my education but had some major set backs and concerns. I was stuck in a rut and didn't know what happened to all my dreams. What happened to my life or my body? I didn't even know if I should stay married or why I even got married. I was miserable. With encouragement from Rich, my former boss, and family I finally decided to go back to college when Mariyn was about 3 years old. I completed my first two years of school before I conceived Mariyn so I really only had to do my Junior and Senior years. I wanted to get it done, I now had goals and plans and opportunity. I finished 2 years worth of work in a year and a half. I sacrificed any me time for my family, for school. We ate really bad - after all it was what I knew any way. About the same time, I started to have health issues - gallstones. I did some research and found out that my diet was directly related to the issues I was having. I changed the way I ate (because I had to or I would be in intense pain) and I lost a good deal of weight. Not by choice though more or less because it was a side effect.

After finishing my bachelors degree, I went on to graduate school. My goal was to become a high school counselor. My university offered a program that takes on average 3.5 years to complete. Our goal, was for me to finish in two years and I made a plan so I knew it was possible. In order for me to work in education, I had to get a TB skin test. I made an appointment with at an office in town. When I went in, the doctor started to talk to me about gastric bypass surgery my weight and how I could be an ideal candidate. Really... I came in there for a routine TB skin test, not at all complaining about my weight. I told him I never really attempted to lose weight and that I believe with exercise, I could. I just hadn't tried yet. He pushed a little harder about the surgery and I decided I wasn't going back to that office again.

Rich and I were doing much better - our marriage was strong and I was in a much better place emotionally. Mariyn was now 4 years old. She wanted a sister so bad. She prayed nearly every night for a sister. I knew in my heart that I was ready for a baby too. Rich had been so loving and supportive even at times when I was awfully mean. I knew our marriage was going to work and we were ready to try for another baby. I was just starting exercising again regularly and I found out I was pregnant! I had a turbulent pregnancy, we had an ultrasound at my first appointment the doctor couldn't see a baby and sent me in for lab work. Later that week, I was told my lab work indicated that I miscarried and was sent home devastated with a little cup to catch anything that came out. Immediately, I stopped exercising and was afraid that anything I would cause me to miscarry. I didn't want to blame myself, even though the doctor told me it was already happening. Two weeks, later, no sign of bleeding or miscarriage I went back to the doctor for a routine appointment - to make sure everything was healing fine with a follow up ultra sound. Immediately, I seen my little baby moving with heart beat on the screen. I still can't explain what happened and why I was told I had miscarried, when I didn't. The doctor offered 3 solutions. A - the lab work was wrong (I had 4 sets so I doubt that) B- I had conceived twins and lost one (probable because of the numbers in my lab work) or C - Davine intervention. Amelia is my miracle baby - any way I look at it she is truly a special gift. While pregnant with Amelia I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and was seen at the doctor weekly throughout my entire pregnancy. During the last trimester, we went to the hospital for testing several times a week. The doctor closely monitored my weight, diet and sugar levels. I only gained 9 lbs and Amelia was 6lbs 15 ozwhen she was born.

During pregnancy, I was attending grad school full time, working as a substitute teacher and holding together my family responsibilities. I delivered Amelia on a Monday and went back to school on the following Monday. Since I was no longer pregnant, I wasn't worried about gestational diabetes anymore and returned to my poor eating habits. Life was stressful. During last semester of grad school I landed a job at an elementary school in a really high needs, low income area, had a breastfeeding baby, and attended graduate school. My bad eating habits returned. I don't think I ate at home...nearly every meal was take out or fast food. The scale fluctuated between 203-213lbs.

I knew I was gaining weight. As you can see, there is a pattern to my weight. I've deal with stress and pressure by cutting back on me time. I let life get in the way instead of focusing on myself and my family. My education was important but finally I graduated. 2009 brought a new job and new responsibilities. My sister in law and her daughter moved in with us. I was under consent stress. We had more money because I was working and we blew most of it eating out. Like I said, I knew I was gaining weight but I also knew I was really not at a point when I could do anything about it. In general, 2009 was one of the most stressful and busiest years of my life. New dream job, we purchased our fist home and had 2 new family members living with us. I gained... oh boy did I gain. So I stopped looking at the scale. Rich would try to gently ask me about my weight but I refused to even get on a scale. I knew I was unhealthy. I couldn't do basic things that I loved - softball, spending time with my kids, sometimes even walking felt like an extreme sport. In June I was laid off - budget cuts.

I spent the summer moving into our brand new home. Debating on when I would return to the gym. The kids went back to school, Mariyn started her routine. Finally, I felt the urge to do something about my weight about my life. October 5th I went back to the gym... I've made a choice to change my body and change my life. October 6th, I stepped on the scale and realized I gained about 50lbs since had decided stop weighing myself. I'm still going strong today and just as determined (possibly even more) to continue to change my life. Even though, I've lost 45lbs I still have a long way to go... it's taken the last 5 months of consistent exercise and dieting to lose the weight I gained AFTER I had my last baby. Every day at the gym has been worth it, ever drop of sweat is rewarding and I see progress in so many forms. With that said, I will leave my blog with this. As hard as it is to loose the weight, it's harder being fat.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Questionable Loss?

Got up bright and early to do my body pump and cycle. I was a little sore from my new exercise yesterday. Not too bad, but I can feel it! My body felt a little tired, like I had to push myself harder to workout. Especially through cycle, I swore my legs weighed a ton. I did it though and I feel so good.

I'm not really sure what to say about weigh in Tuesday. The trainer scale was out of battery or just not working. So I have no idea what I weighed this week on that scale. I was talking to one of the trainers and he told me how to calibrate the scale in the locker room. I'm a little hesitant to go by this scale because I know how inconsistent it's been, even though I calibrated it myself. According to that scale, I was 211. A 5lbs loss from last week. It's hard to really say that loss is accurate though. So I weighed myself at home too (it's been more consistent with the trainer scale, but I'm leary of it too). It said 213lbs - a 3lbs loss from last week. So I'll leave you with this, I had a loss. Not really sure how much of a loss. I'll take the 3lbs and celebrate that because it's probably more accurate than a 5lbs loss and I'll get confirmation whenever the trainer scale is working again. For now, I'll say I'm -45lbs! What a great milestone!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Trying something new...

I've had a major sweet tooth. I rarely cheat on my diet - I'm consistent every day. Once in a while, I will reward myself with a skinny cow ice cream but that is a true treat. I've been getting headaches lately and feeling sluggish, which is one reason why I think I might not be consuming enough calories. So, yesterday I decided to have a sweet snack. I ended up having 2 skinny cow ice creams, swiss chocolate cake rolls (3). Today I had a nutter butter bar and a nutrilite energy bar. I'm sure I still did well with my calories but I do feel a little guilty. I shouldn't but I do. For some reason, my hamstrings are super sore today. Not really sure what I did to get them sore - but man I did not feel like working out tonight and really had to force myself to go. Funny thing is I lift heavy weights all week and rarely get sore... weekends I relax. Yesterday I pulled weeds for about an hour (it's the only semi-strenuous thing I can recall doing) and my hamstrings hurt like no one's business!

I had a good workout, cardio kickboxing tonight plus weights with Rich. Chaz one of the trainers taught me a new exercise (new to me anyway). I was waiting on a machine and 3 or so guys were hoarding it. Chaz was walking around bored and we got to talking. He showed me something I could do instead. I laid my shoulders on to a exercise ball with my knees bent out and feet at a 90 degree angle - keeping my core tight and flat as possible. While holding dumbells (20lbs each arm) I moved my arms in and out (like a butterfly) with my elbows bent at a 90 degree angle. It was a challenge! I did 3 sets, I not only worked my chest/pecs but my core and increased my balance! It's nice to get tips every once in a while. Here is something I found online to help out with a visual.

Normally, I shy away from the dumbell exercises but I'm getting more comfortable with my body, with the gym and it's not so bad to try something new. Chaz was even surprised by how strong I am and complimented me. Progress comes in so many forms! Felt good :)

Progress Pics

Sept 2009 - Just before I started my journey.

Dec 5 2009 - Approx 17lbs lost

Jan 4 2010 - Approx 23lbs lost

Feb 1 2010 - Approx 34lbs lost

March 1 2010 - Approx 42lbs lost (weigh in day tomorrow)