The Good...

What have I been up the last several months?

The Good . . .
We've opened our own business and so far, I'd consider it a huge blessing and a success. I have been playing softball at least 4 nights a week. So, I am active. I'm having fun. Despite reinjuring my ankle, I've completed a few runs, Wharf to Wharf and my first Half Marathon at Nike Women's Marathon. Both events were a blast!



July 24, 2011. Zumara and I at the start line for Wharf to Wharf, a 6 mile road race with 15,000 runners plus massive amounts of people enjoying the party atmosphere and scenic views of Santa Cruz, Capitola and the Pacific Ocean.

October 16, 2011 - Nike Women's Marathon 13.1 half marathon finisher! Celebrating my finish in the finiser's area in front of the I run to be sign...

The Bad . . .

Other than softball, I haven't exercised regularly. I have a TON of excuses. But I realize they are just that, excuses. My schedule, my re-injured ankle, my fear of re-re-injuring myself, exhaustion, work, lack of motivation and on and on. Bottom line is, they are all excuses and they are all bad. Some of course, more ligitatmat then others but still...

Yeah, I know I told you I just completed two really big races and goals of mine this summer. I did FINISH them. One foot in front of the other, I moved my body for the 6 mile journey between Capitola and Santa Cruz and Ienjoyed every minute of it. However, notice I said moved my body. I did not say run. I ran maybe only 2 of the 6 miles. This was primarily due to injury. I re-injured my ankle running approximately 2 weeks before Wharf to Wharf. I'm glad I'm glad I participated, I'm glad I finished. But I can not claim that I RAN the entire 6 miles.

Let me get this out now. I'm a brand snob. I don't mean to be necessarily but you throw a Nike logo on something and I immediately think it's gonna make me run faster, jump harder, swim farther, and JUST DO IT better, then without the logo. HaHA corney, I know. So for me, The Nike Women's Marathon (NWM) was sort of an "Ultimate Dream Race" to me. Only in my dreams did I think I would have been chosen or had the opportunity to run in Nike. My Weak ankles (READ EXCUSES) made it very difficult to train or want to run. Other than around the bases at softball, I did not run from July until NWM. Bad choice. The vistas were phenomenal and the overall experience was good. There are some things I have to be truthful about. I ran walked the first 5-6 miles. My running pace was slow. I finished in just under 4 hours (literally, seconds under 4 hours). But I moved my body 13.1 miles and FINISHED! Which is more than I can say I would have done 2 years ago.

The Ugly...

Excercise isn't the only way to lose weight. We all know diet is the most important factor in weight loss. If you eat healthy good portions and watch your calories you will lose weight. The fact is, I struggle to do that. Most over weight people do. With that, I can really do well with my eating when I'm exercising. The sad fact of the matter is, when I'm not exercising, I don't watch what I eat.... BIG Mistake.

Along with that, I know I've gained weight. I haven't steped on a scale and to be honest I'm not ready to. I can still fit into my clothes but they don't look the same on me, and some really just don't "fit" even though I can get my body in them. That much junk should not be in the trunk, if you you know what I mean. ;-) I'm pretty sure my body could no longer fit into ANY size 10. I'm definately pushing a 12/14 (again) and dreading buying clothes.

Apparently, I've gained so much that my husband seen this picture taken in January...

And he did not RECOGNIZE me! He asked WHO it was? Shocking, I know. The man I have been with for nearly 12 years DID not recognize me in a pic that was 10 months old. Yeah, 10 month off = no GOOD for the body. He is pretty much beggining me to go back to the gym. Not for the physical benefits but for the health factor and mental benefits to our relationship, my self and our family.

So, now that I've confessed all of my sins: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Get ready for the days ahead. The good news is, it gets better, Folk's!

pleaser

The last few months I've been dealing with a lot of emotional stuff. Starting with my injury and impacting my exercise routine. But it goes deeper than that. Theres been a lot of drama in my life too. It keeps me up at night, it's always on my mind. I'm contently thinking about it/them. It's consummed me. I've prayed about it many times in attempt to give it to God. Yet it's still here. Can't really explain it. So this got me thinking. I've never thought of myself as a pleaser. I've never thought of my self as needing approval from others. I'd like to think of myself as strong and independent. I'd like to think that I don't care what others think about me....I don't care how many friends I have. I know exactly who I am. But this situation has me thinking otherwise. I put my whole heart into everything I do. Therefore, when things turn out badly I always question myself and what I did wrong. What could I have done differently. I reflect not only on the situation but on how I treated people. Did I treat them the way God would like me to? I reflect so much that it's disabling. It effects everything I do, the attitude I have with my family, the way I care for myself and my family. It even effects my sleep. All while, I know the other people (those who have done me wrong or the other side in the situation) are NOT thinking about me. And if they are, they aren't lossing sleep over it. It's this emotional stress that is causing me to lose focus on the things that are most important to me. Running has helped me clear my chest of the stresses of daily life. I'd take the time to run it out and talk to God. It has been vital in my weightloss success. My thoughts of who I am, and my actions just don't line up lately. I'm in a growing stage and maybe God is using this situation to teach me a lesson.... again. There must be something I'm missing. On a positive note, it's now been 4 months since I injured myself. I went running with my friend Zumara last night. We ran over 2 miles. It felt good. I had a lot of cramping in my foot, not my ankle but my foot. In the arches, under my foot. It felt like a lot of the other muscles are compensating. I was VERY careful while I ran because I do not want to re-injure myself but I do want to get stronger. So yeah... that's that....

Amazing

,2010 has been an amazing year for me. I've changed so much, not just in appearance but in my heart. I know God has been doing some great work in there and is continuing to change me. I am not sad to see 2010 go. I do not have a list of New Years resolutions to accomplish. Yet, I'm so excited for 2011 and the changes that God is going to continue to bring into my life and into my heart.

Of course, I still have so many adventures I want to accomplish. So many goals and dreams to dream. The inner-athlete is alive, awake and well.

I pray God blesses each and everyone of you in 2011 and that you see your life for what it is, a gift from God. I pray that he provides you strength and peace to meet and exceed in any challenge you may face. I pray that life is not only what you want out of it, but it is God's will being done.



Oh and I ended the year right. I got to the gym today and swam laps for about 30 minutes. It felt so good to be doing something active again.

Dec 2009

Nov 2010



Bring on 2011. :)

Weekend Wrap Up

Covered Bridge in Knights Ferry, CA

I've had a good weekend. As I mentioned before, my girls had Thursday and Friday off because of Veteran's Day. I'm so thankful for all our vets have done and I'm really thankful to have had an extra couple days with my girls. We spent time with my aunt and her family. Adrienne (my cousins wife) at Chronicles of a Curvy Housewife and I got to spend time together too. It was nice and she is looking much trimmer than last time I saw her. We went on a nice bike ride, I rode one of my aunt's bikes. Kinda funny riding someone else's bike but it was good. Our kids got to play together and had so much fun. Amelia loved Shane. So cute.

Thursday night I had dinner with two of my very bestest friends. My girls stayed with my Aunt and family so it felt like an official girls night out. We had sushi and I'm pretty sure it was healthy (or disguised as) and I didn't over eat. After dinner, we went back to my friend's house and she gave me a bunch of shirts. I felt so incredibly blessed and thankful. They're super cute too! My younger sister, Ricki bought me a few new shirts this week too. So I'm far less stressed about having clothes to wear. I feel so loved, so thankful and so blessed. God is so good and he does provide for all of our needs.

The girls and I came home Friday night and spend Saturday around the house relaxing, it felt really good. We went to a craft fair and seen an old friend. She had to tell me about my high school sweet heart and what he is up to. Let's just say I feel so incredibly thankful for my life and blessed. The whole, thanking God for unanswered prayers. It really puts perspective on my life and how good it is.

I went running this afternoon in Knights Ferry with Zumara. It's such a beautiful place along the river, rustic, peaceful and full of nature's beauty. Bonus it's not too far away from home. I'm not sure how far we ran but we did a lot of trails and hill work. It was so beautiful and the hills were pretty steep. The terrain was comparable with our mud run but probably steeper (with the exception of one hill) but we both handled it a lot better. It felt easier probably because we knew what to expect and are familiar with the area.
Knights Ferry is a historic place and is so beautiful. There were A LOT of photographers out there doing portraits tonight, at least 3 different parties if not more. Must be that holiday time of year, getting ready to send out the family photos and Christmas cards.

The run felt good and peaceful. We seen a family of deer too so we stopped and watched them for a while. We ran for about an hour and 15 minutes, who knows how many miles it's not an area you can easily map. We ran until sunset and started heading back. About 100 feet before the end of the trail, I fell to the ground. I lost footing on some rocks and my ankle gave out. It's sore and swollen but not injured too bad. I think I'll have to rest it but I'll be back to training soon. This is the exact reason, I do not like to run alone. You never know when you are going to get hurt and will need help. Luckily, I was able to get back up (it took a minute) and we were just about done with our run. I hobbled back to the car and have been babying my ankle all night. I'm sure I will see the real damage in the morning. I see more cycle and less running in my future this week. Even though I hurt myself, the run was incredible and I hope to be able to do it again soon. Zumara enjoyed it too.


I need to get better shoes for trail running, regular running shoes just don't provide the support you want/need on trails.

Emo

I cried.

I broke down.

I had a pitty party.


Yesterday, I lounged around the house most of the day feeling sorry for myself. Why, you might ask? Because I was feeling bad about the way I look. As you probably know from reading, it's now been 18 months since I've worked. I'm so thankful for this time off to focus on myself and my family but money is so incredibly tight. It's stressful. Right now, it's even more stressful than normal because of the investment stuff we have going on, the holidays coming up. It's a bit overwhelming when I think of it all.

I've been able to spend more time with my friends lately and I've rediscovered how much I love getting dressed up. The only problem - I don't have much that fits me. Everything is too big, even my pre-baby jeans are getting more and more roomy. A good problem to have when you're trying to lose weight. It's not a good problem to have though when you don't have extra money to spend on clothes. Right now, there is nothing more I'd rather do the go out and buy myself clothes.... I'd feel so much better about myself, about my progress.

My husband has been selling things on craigslist trying to come up with extra money for our investment. He came home and told me he sold something for $300. Great news! Then, I emotionally broke down because I want to have nice things to wear. I've worked so hard to lose the weight (approx 75lbs). Other than gym clothes, I only have 3 shirts that fit me and a few pairs of jeans. I was folding laundry in my spare bedroom when my husband came in and told me. I broke down crying because I was so upset. I know it sounds trivial but really could you imagine how you would feel if you lost 75 lbs and didn't have the means to replace your clothes?

I know I made Rich feel really bad because he is so proud of my for losing the weight. He has been working so hard to provide for our family and make ends meet. Some weeks, he puts in over 80 hours. Every week he puts in more than 40... He is stressed, he is tired yet he keeps working so hard to provide for us, for our family.

After, I pulled myself together I apologized to him. I should not have gotten as upset as I did over clothes. Really, I know I have what I need and my family is provided for. I am wanting to go through my closet and take my old stuff to a consignment shop. Hopefully, then I will be able to add a few more things to my closet that fit.

I know I'm not at goal so anything I buy now is just temporary clothing. Which is the biggest reason, I haven't splurged and gotten myself new stuff. I don't want to waste money when it's so hard to come by. But if I was more cautious in other areas, I probably could buy myself a few new things. Most of us can probably cut back, somewhere right? I really don't want a lot, just more than a 3 different outfits to wear, you know?

Graciously, Rich said I could spend $100 on myself for clothes. He really is a sweet and loving husband. The money he plans to give me once he sells his stuff on craigslist. I love him so much.

The silver lining - This is my first huge emotional break down that I remember in this weight loss journey because something(s) didn't fit. Before, I always felt bad about myself because clothes didn't fit like I wanted them too. I would rather wear clothes that are too big for me and be healthy then be fat and wear clothes that are too snug and small. It really is harder to be fat.

The difference a year can make...

My friend, Judi has the best Halloween party every year. Everyone dresses up and it's a guaranteed good time. This year was no different. Last October, I had just began to start my journey. I had already lost a few pounds by Halloween but nothing major. I was really close to my before weight. I've lost 70+ lbs but gained so much more. What a difference a year can make.


When I walked in, a few friends that I hadn't seen in a while, had asked if that was me. They were shocked! All night, everyone kept telling me how great I looked. It really felt good. I felt really confident and well, HOT! I had a great time and am really proud of my accomplishment and where I am on my journey. I'm getting more and more comfortable with my body everyday yet continue to work towards my goal.




Here are some pictures I gathered to highlight the difference one year can make:

Judi & I 2009

Judi, Chas, & 1 2010

Elyssa, Leanne, Judi, Sara (me), Marcela 2009

Sara (me), Judi, Leanne, Elyssa 2010

Group of girls at the party, 2009. I am on the far right, the girl next to me was VERY pregnant.

Elyssa, me, Zumara and Jennifer 2010

Sore

I'm so sore today. My quads, my hamstrings, my feet, my back. Everything.

Funny thing is, I know I'm accustom to running that distance. I've ran the course ahead of time with no problems. The difference must have been that we ran it so much faster yesterday.

I'm so sore it hurts to sit, it hurts to walk, it hurts to move.

Good news, this means my body is changing. =) Change is good.

Emo

Yeah - I was very emotional all day. I just sort of needed to be left alone to deal with my thoughts and emotions. I took a lot of them out on food... -ugh! Just when I thought I was doing better with my emotional eating. Old habits kick in again.

We had taco bell for dinner. Yeah I know, I know ::hangs head::: I'm cooking tomorrow night, I swear. Good news, I made it to the gym tonight. I did Zumba, it's a fun sort of pick me up kind of class. I figured it would get my exercise in and hopefully my mood will improve too. I believe in my heart that even though I'm down and out, God is really good. Things could be worse, a whole lot worse and I am truly blessed. It's just shaking the human part, the emotional part of rejection and having unfortunate things (trials if you will)happen. They say things come in threes and well, in the last two days I've had 3 negative things happen. So hopefully, I'm over it for a while.

After Zumba, I talked to one of my gym friends and we decided to go running together tonight. Rich was off so it happened to work out perfectly. It's been a while since I've gone running outside. Probably since my last 5K. The Valley heat is insane and unbearable to run, during the days at least. Who wants to run when it's 100 degrees outside. Umm no thank you! LOL I needed the time alone (by that Iu mean away from the kids and hubby) to reflect and just get this emotional bagage out of my heart and off my mind. Anyways, we got in a full 3 miles! I feel a lot better too. Maybe it will counter balance the junk food I ate earlier? Maybe, lol. Maybe, not!

My next running event has been decided. June 24th the Davisvillle Moo-nlight Half Mararthon and 5K. I really want to do the half marathon, but it's $50. The 5K is only $25. A few of my friends say that want to run it too, so we are probably going to do the 5K together. It looks like a really good -and fun- event! Something to look forward too.

Philippians 4:6-20
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. 9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. 10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. 12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. 14 Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with my affliction. 15 Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but ye only. 16 For even in Thessalonica ye sent once and again unto my necessity. 17 Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account. 18 But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God. 19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 20 Now unto God and our Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

6-6-10

My internet is down, kinda sucks. Ok really sucks. My modem broke so I’ve got to replace it. In the meantime, I’m journaling in word and will post it when I have access again.

I got up early, 5 am and had to leave the house before 6 am in order to make the hour and half drive to Sacramento. Let me preface by saying, I’m not a morning person. I’ve never been a morning person. So getting up that early for me is a challenge in itself.

One word to describe Sunday’s 5K event at the Nike Women’s Fitness Festival – Amazing. I’ve lived in California my whole life and never actually been to the state capital before and it’s less than an hour and a half away. Kinda odd, I know.

I was excited and nervous to go to this event. Nervous because it was a really large event. Rich had to work. It was too far and early for my mom, so my daughters spent the night with her and she baby sat them so I could participate. None of my friends registered to run. It was me, all alone for the hour and a half drive and run. Over 3,400 women participating, the event sold out. It’s my first big event and I was excited. It was an awesome event and organized great. There were a few big sponsors and lots of vendors geared towards health and fitness. I actually found another event that I want to do, Princess Promenade, the largest all Women’s cycling event in California. Best part is it’s geared towards mothers and daughters. I promised Mariyn she could do a bike event once she got better with her bike. This seems like the perfect event for that.

The day was gorgeous and the atmosphere friendly, supportive, fun and breathtakingly beautiful. The weather was ideal. I arrived there around 7:30, I picked up my packet and walked around until the first wave began then watched and waited for my wave to start.

There were two waves running an 8 am start and 8:40am. I really debated on which wave I should do. The 8 am wave was for runners with a 10 minutes mile pace or faster. 8:40 for runners slower than 10 minutes including walkers, and those with strollers. I decided to register for the second wave. My decision was because I thought I could run the race between 10 and 11 minutes per mile pace. Awards were given in the first race to the top 3 finishers in each age bracket. I knew I wasn’t going to be one of those top 3. In the second wave, the awards were given out randomly. So I figured, I belonged in the second wave. I lined up at the front of the start line for my wave. I can’t how I felt. Nervous because it was such a big race. Excited to be able to participate and confident because I knew I was ready and able to complete the 3.1 mile distance.

My stomach had been upset for days. TMI WARNING I was constipated. I had had a BM since Weds. I felt extra heavy and bloated. I tried to eat lots of fresh fruit and fluids to get me going but nothing worked. When I told my mom Saturday night, she said I needed to be careful because I would have to go during my race. I was really hoping this wasn’t the case. I wanted to go before so I would feel better and be able to do my personal best. Yeah that didn’t happen. At about the 1.5 mile mark, my stomach just started turning. That meant 1 thing. I had to go soon. Ugghh… Should I stop and find a restroom? What would that do to my time? I know I’m not going to be happy if my time was bad. I wanted to be able to run this race because I knew I can. Despite the pain, I decided to push threw. I couldn’t see a restroom and I didn’t really know the area anyways. I knew there were restrooms at the finish line. I’d just have to make it.

There were so many runners. The route overlapped at times and you could really see all the women running and walking many with their children. I ran as quickly as I could. I pushed myself hard. I was able to sprint the last stretch. I could see the time clock at the finish line from a distance. It said 32 minutes (can’t remember the seconds) and I said to myself, run faster, run harder. Make it in less than 32 minutes 30 seconds and I did! My official time was 32 minutes 25 seconds.

Nike was at the event with a demo. You could actually test out Nike’s products for the race and return them at the end of the race –FREE. I’ve really been wanting a new pair of shoes so I sampled a pair and this pedometer/timer thing. So cool. To be honest, the shoes aren’t the right ones for me. Wrong fit I think but just to be able to essentially borrow them, run 3.1 miles and be able to give them back was really cool. I mean, what shoe store lets you do that? Not any that I know of. The gadget was pretty cool, not at all necessary for a race but would be great for training.

The free-bees were awesome. The event T-shirt is a super cute Nike dry fit T- designed for women. I love it! And it’s been so long since I’ve gotten anything new, I just might wear this one out! Ha ha. Plus we got a matching tote bag and water bottle. Super cute!

After the race there was a huge breakfast buffet and sampling by Blue Diamond Almonds and Whole Foods Market. The food was awesome and all health conscious. I got a variety of cereal, fruit, and drinks: almond milk, coconut water, and orange juice. Samples included trail mix, almonds, java city capital blend and organic tea. To be honest there was so much food, it’s hard to remember everything. Everything was so nice.

Oh - and I had my blood pressure taken while I was there. Kaiser Permanente had a huge health pavilion. I don’t have health insurance so I rarely go to the doctor. My blood pressure is usually on the high side of normal. It’s been a while since I had it checked but for the last few years that is where my blood pressure kind of hangs out at. Well, not any more! My blood pressure was 11/74 and a resting heart rate of 69. The nurse even commented that she wishes her resting heart rate was a 69 and that it was great! Amazing what diet and exercise can do for you.

National Running Day

It's National Running Day . . . and I'm excited!


Today, I will run at the gym. It's Wednesday, our running day and probably my last running day until the Women's Fitness Festival 5K this weekend.

All my life, I've hated running and I mean hated it. Growing up as an athlete I moaned and groaned on days I had to run. Yes, I realize running is necessary in most sports. To me it was a necessary evil. I had to do it to play and enjoy the sport I loved but I hated to run just to run. Coaches always used running as a punishment. I can't tell you how many times we had to take an extra lap for making an error or because we got caught talking. I decided long ago that I would not run unless I absolutely had to and anyone who liked to run was crazy. This was probably one of my choices that led me obesity.

As I've grown older, more obese, and less active my thoughts of crazy runners turned to admiration. I knew I couldn't run if I wanted to. I can barely catch my toddler when she runs away from me and with that I was very winded. I have friends who just love to run and would be able to run miles! Bonus, they looked great!

I'm a curvy girl and my "girls" bounce a lot. I've always felt like I look awkward running. I used to be fairly good runner, not the fastest as I'm only 5'4". At my last race, my mother said she could easily pick me out of the crowd because of my extra top heavy bounce.

Running is best for long lean people, not short stalky curvy girls like me, that was my theory. The only piece of evidence that was proving my theory wrong is my sister law. She was overweight, obese like me and began running. Next thing I knew she was skinny again and had completed a marathon! She had to some sort of anomaly.

When I started on my fitness journey, I knew I would have to run again. Not necessarily right away but I knew my fitness goals weren't just weight loss goals. I wanted to be able to do the things thin people could do. I wanted to be able to RUN. My friends could run, people I looked to for motivation could run. When I started running I could only run maybe 30 seconds then I had to walk. Clare, my friend and running partner could really run. Yet when we were done, I felt really accomplished not because I ran a great distance but because I tried. Ever since, I've continually challenged myself to try harder and run more frequently. I love to run now. Not because I love running but because I can.

ETA: I ran for 40 minutes on the treadmill at the gym today; a personal record for me in time. It was a good running day and if time permitted I probably could have ran longer.

For the Record:
Breakfast Protein and Banana
Lunch: Tuna on Orowheat sandwich thin
Dinner: Chicken Tacos Thin corn tortilla w/ Salsa and Guacamole
Snacks: Pistachios, Skinny Cow, Beef Stick