Wednesday, April 6, 2011
pleaser
The last few months I've been dealing with a lot of emotional stuff. Starting with my injury and impacting my exercise routine. But it goes deeper than that. Theres been a lot of drama in my life too. It keeps me up at night, it's always on my mind. I'm contently thinking about it/them. It's consummed me. I've prayed about it many times in attempt to give it to God. Yet it's still here. Can't really explain it. So this got me thinking. I've never thought of myself as a pleaser. I've never thought of my self as needing approval from others. I'd like to think of myself as strong and independent. I'd like to think that I don't care what others think about me....I don't care how many friends I have. I know exactly who I am. But this situation has me thinking otherwise. I put my whole heart into everything I do. Therefore, when things turn out badly I always question myself and what I did wrong. What could I have done differently. I reflect not only on the situation but on how I treated people. Did I treat them the way God would like me to? I reflect so much that it's disabling. It effects everything I do, the attitude I have with my family, the way I care for myself and my family. It even effects my sleep. All while, I know the other people (those who have done me wrong or the other side in the situation) are NOT thinking about me. And if they are, they aren't lossing sleep over it. It's this emotional stress that is causing me to lose focus on the things that are most important to me. Running has helped me clear my chest of the stresses of daily life. I'd take the time to run it out and talk to God. It has been vital in my weightloss success. My thoughts of who I am, and my actions just don't line up lately. I'm in a growing stage and maybe God is using this situation to teach me a lesson.... again. There must be something I'm missing. On a positive note, it's now been 4 months since I injured myself. I went running with my friend Zumara last night. We ran over 2 miles. It felt good. I had a lot of cramping in my foot, not my ankle but my foot. In the arches, under my foot. It felt like a lot of the other muscles are compensating. I was VERY careful while I ran because I do not want to re-injure myself but I do want to get stronger. So yeah... that's that....
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I've so been where you are. In my case it was in-law issues. Looking back, I know now that I didn't rest in God like I should have. It's so hard when we're going through this. If it helps at all, I think you're in the right place. You're looking to God and being honest with yourself. Just keep praying your way through, eventually you'll get to the other side.
ReplyDeleteBe blessed!!!
Thank you Kimberlyn. I seem to find myself in these type of situations a lot. Been there and done it with the in-laws. Currently, it's people involved in an organization I volunteer for. Almost strangers, but it still gets to me.
ReplyDeleteI know you're right. I'm trying to trust in God to work it's self out. And I do, but yet, I'm still worrying about it... which obviously, means I'm not fully trusting in him.
Thank you again.
You know I love you my friend and I know this continued stress you continue to endure. My heart goes out to your for your strength to try and stay positive. What you are doing helps the lives of tons of young children - try to let the stress of the others slip away as soon as you leave the meetings. I know it's not easy, but you are destined for success. Don't let small minded ego trips get you down - you are better!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ju-Bee :) I love your positive attitude and encouragement. Thanks for being such a great friend. xoxo
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for all the drama. I am so sensitive I would just cry all the time if I were you. You are doing great Sara. Glad you were able to run a bit!
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