The Good...

What have I been up the last several months?

The Good . . .
We've opened our own business and so far, I'd consider it a huge blessing and a success. I have been playing softball at least 4 nights a week. So, I am active. I'm having fun. Despite reinjuring my ankle, I've completed a few runs, Wharf to Wharf and my first Half Marathon at Nike Women's Marathon. Both events were a blast!



July 24, 2011. Zumara and I at the start line for Wharf to Wharf, a 6 mile road race with 15,000 runners plus massive amounts of people enjoying the party atmosphere and scenic views of Santa Cruz, Capitola and the Pacific Ocean.

October 16, 2011 - Nike Women's Marathon 13.1 half marathon finisher! Celebrating my finish in the finiser's area in front of the I run to be sign...

The Bad . . .

Other than softball, I haven't exercised regularly. I have a TON of excuses. But I realize they are just that, excuses. My schedule, my re-injured ankle, my fear of re-re-injuring myself, exhaustion, work, lack of motivation and on and on. Bottom line is, they are all excuses and they are all bad. Some of course, more ligitatmat then others but still...

Yeah, I know I told you I just completed two really big races and goals of mine this summer. I did FINISH them. One foot in front of the other, I moved my body for the 6 mile journey between Capitola and Santa Cruz and Ienjoyed every minute of it. However, notice I said moved my body. I did not say run. I ran maybe only 2 of the 6 miles. This was primarily due to injury. I re-injured my ankle running approximately 2 weeks before Wharf to Wharf. I'm glad I'm glad I participated, I'm glad I finished. But I can not claim that I RAN the entire 6 miles.

Let me get this out now. I'm a brand snob. I don't mean to be necessarily but you throw a Nike logo on something and I immediately think it's gonna make me run faster, jump harder, swim farther, and JUST DO IT better, then without the logo. HaHA corney, I know. So for me, The Nike Women's Marathon (NWM) was sort of an "Ultimate Dream Race" to me. Only in my dreams did I think I would have been chosen or had the opportunity to run in Nike. My Weak ankles (READ EXCUSES) made it very difficult to train or want to run. Other than around the bases at softball, I did not run from July until NWM. Bad choice. The vistas were phenomenal and the overall experience was good. There are some things I have to be truthful about. I ran walked the first 5-6 miles. My running pace was slow. I finished in just under 4 hours (literally, seconds under 4 hours). But I moved my body 13.1 miles and FINISHED! Which is more than I can say I would have done 2 years ago.

The Ugly...

Excercise isn't the only way to lose weight. We all know diet is the most important factor in weight loss. If you eat healthy good portions and watch your calories you will lose weight. The fact is, I struggle to do that. Most over weight people do. With that, I can really do well with my eating when I'm exercising. The sad fact of the matter is, when I'm not exercising, I don't watch what I eat.... BIG Mistake.

Along with that, I know I've gained weight. I haven't steped on a scale and to be honest I'm not ready to. I can still fit into my clothes but they don't look the same on me, and some really just don't "fit" even though I can get my body in them. That much junk should not be in the trunk, if you you know what I mean. ;-) I'm pretty sure my body could no longer fit into ANY size 10. I'm definately pushing a 12/14 (again) and dreading buying clothes.

Apparently, I've gained so much that my husband seen this picture taken in January...

And he did not RECOGNIZE me! He asked WHO it was? Shocking, I know. The man I have been with for nearly 12 years DID not recognize me in a pic that was 10 months old. Yeah, 10 month off = no GOOD for the body. He is pretty much beggining me to go back to the gym. Not for the physical benefits but for the health factor and mental benefits to our relationship, my self and our family.

So, now that I've confessed all of my sins: the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Get ready for the days ahead. The good news is, it gets better, Folk's!

Maitenance NSV

There is always a silver lining, in any storm. My injury is no different. I don't want to be injured. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But there is something that I learned about my injury, there is a silver lining. It's called maintenance.

Let's face it, it's been over 3 months since I've been in the routine of working out daily. I weighed myself this morning, 187lbs. Before my injury, my weight was fluctuating between 185-188lbs. That my friends, is something I'm considering a success. Yeah, I know I'm on a weight loss journey and I didn't lose weight in the last 3 months. BUT, learning to maintain is a huge part of being successful at weight loss.

Also, I've not lost the desire to live healthy, live differently, and live better by the grace of God. I've never given up hope or given up on myself. That to me is a huge NSV.

How am I feeling after working out yesterday? My foot/ankle feels a little stiff and swollen. My muscles feel a little bit sore. But overall, I feel great and jazzed to be back. Starting over again, from where I'm at. God is so great!

Tomorrow

Cuddling in bed with my husband this morning, he asked me the question. "When are you going back to the gym?" I thought about it and I didn't know. Passing the buck, I responded, "When are you going back to the gym?" He didn't respond so I said, thought for a minute and said, tomorrow. I will go attempt to do spin tommorrow at 9:30. He said, I'll go tomorrow morning then too.

I asked my hubby if he would put the cleats in my spin shoes. I got them back in Oct/Nov but he didn't put them together right away. Then I got injured and they've been sitting here unused ever since. Well, tonight he goes to put them together and there is a piece missing. :-/ Darn ebay, new conidtion w/ open box. It's been far to long to say anything so I will be spending money on new cleats. At least I have the pedals.

Late Friday afternoon, I stepped on a rusty old nail. It went through my shoe and pricked my toe. Pulling it out, I pricked my finger. Guess who hadn't had a tetnus shot since high school? Yeah that would be me. Miss clumsy. I tried to convince myself that the rusty old nail thing was probably an old wives tale and that I could save the money. But I googled it.... and decided it was better safe than sorry if I just went to the doctor. The side effects of tetnus just didn't look appealing nor did the treatment. So I spent the money and went to a clinic on Saturday. Got my tetnus vaccine and whooping cough booster. Fun stuff I tell you. My arm was so so sore and tender for 2 days. But at least I won't have to worry about tetnus, bacterial and spores causing my body to cease up. If you haven't gotten your tetnus shot in the last 10 years, you just might want to. Oh and at the doctors office, I weighed in 188 lbs. 3 pound gain, I'm not sure when. But I know I've been off the wagon for a while so the damage isn't too bad.

I'm excited and nervous to be back at the gym. Excited to see my friends. Nervous about my injury and being able to keep up. I'm certain that I will get my butt kicked tomorrow and hopefull that my endurance will return.

I might have been off the wagon lately, but honestly I've never completely given up. I know there is no going back to where I was before. Nor do I want to.

Catch Up

So many things have come up that I've wanted to blog about, but I was busy at the time and just couldn't stop and sit down.... Hmmm Now, what was it that I wanted to say? haha

I want to run. Yes, I know you know this. But the last several weeks I've been under so much stress, scrutiny and I just need an outlet. There were so many things that I felt like I needed to run off. Physically though, I just can't. I can tell I'm getting better now though. I'm hopeful that by the end of February, I will be running again. My ankle seems to look more normal, more stable and I'm in less pain. But I can tell it's not as strong as it should be before I go out and run again. I can't even begin to explain how much my mind and body begs for a nice long run.

Saturday, I was crying to Rich. I feel overwhelmed like I'm being pulled in 100 different directions. Between family obligations, softball and our investment I've had little time for me. Which again, is one reason I NEED to run. It helps me cope. Very sweetly, my husband understands and offers to take me on a date. We went out for dinner at the Diamond Back Grill and planned on going bowling together afterwards. We ended up going to Black Oak Casino to go bowling but because it was a weekend the lanes were $25 per hour, not bad if you're going as a group but very pricey for just two people. We ended up playing nickle slot machines and set a budget for our cost of entertainment. Rich lost $20 and I won $10. So basically, we spent $10 on entertainment and enjoyed an evening together. This was both of our first times going to Black Oak, neither of us are big gambler types and didn't set out to go gambling that evening. It just sort of happened but we had fun.

We picked up the girls from the sitter and went to bed. In the morning, we laid around in bed until about noon. - Amazing for us. Rich and I talked and really reconnected. We hadn't been on a date, in about 18 months - 2 years. Too long, I know. Reconnecting and dating is so important to a healthy marriage. We both realize this and hope to have more dates soon. We loved laying in bed and talking to each other all morning, cuddling. It really felt like our date hadn't ended. Amazing I tell you. I feel so blessed to have Rich.

Speaking of blessings. I know I need to pray more. Running can not be my only emotional outltet. I have to rely more on God to help me deal with things when I'm frustrated and overwhelmed. I know a good long talk with God is in order. Even if nothing changes, I know it's important to talk with God.

I had a moment today. A moment of pure joy and bliss. I did laundry and was digging out my pants. I lifted them up and was looking at them. The just seemed so small and cute. I wondered how they could possibly fit me. I sat there and starred at my pants for a good long while. Then, instead of getting dressed I decided to take care of me and take a nice long bath.

Peace of Mind

I finally went to the doctor today about my ankle. Yeah it's still bothering me. A lot. It's not the worst pain in the world but it's consistent and it's pain. Plus my foot/ankle just looks funny. Since I don't have insurance I've been avoiding going but I know I needed to go now. If not for anything other than peace of mind that I'm not doing more harm than good to my foot. I want to be able to run again, play softball and train. I want to create goals for 2011 but before I can even do that I have to be able to know I can workout.

I really don't have the extra money to waste on testing and doctor visits just to find out I'm fine. I don't have health insurance either so I'm cautious about going to the doctor. I realized this week that my primary injury is nearly 2 months old and my secondary injury (the worse of the two) is over a month old. I think it's time to see a doctor.

Doc said, I've torn ligaments in my ankle. There are 3 rubber band like ligaments around your ankle and I tore/strained one of them very severely and possibly fractured a small peice of the bone. He said it would take approx 3-6 months to heal from my injury but my ankle is surprisingly stable for the type of injury I have. He didn't do an X-Ray or MRI today because he feels it wouldn't change the treatment of the injury at this time. Unless you are a professional athlete they typically do not operate on these injuries. It will take a while, he said but it should heal on it's own. If I go over 6 months without healing then we should consider surgery and other options. For now, he said I am doing everything just right. Ibuprofen, Ice, Wrap and no impact.

He said I could continue to swim that it's an excellent workout for my type of injury. I'm relived - not because my injury is better but because I know I will get better. Some day, in God's time. I'm anxious to fill my racing calendar but I know my first goal to to get healthy so I can be active again.

Too Much Too Soon

Mondays are often struggles for me. I struggle with finding the motivation to get out of the house and back to the gym after the weekend. I always feel so accomplished one I'm there. Yesterday, was no different and I got a great workout, Spin in.

I had a busy day Christmas shopping. I've spent the entire weekend shopping but didn't really buy anything, I had my girls with me and just wanted to get ideas for everyone. I made a Costco trip and went to the mall before I had to pick up my daughter from school. We got our Christmas tree yesterday too. It's so pretty.

After the girls went to bed, I went for my run with Zumara. My ankle had been doing fine. No soreness at all and it felt stronger. All day, I kept thinking it was healed. About a mile into our run, I hear a Popping and grinding sound. My ankle was unstable, it hurt and it couldn't support my weight. I sat there, in agony, and cried. I had Zumara call Richard to come pick me up. I couldn't talk it hurt so bad. There was no way I would have made it home on my own.

I'm so disappointed in my self and with my body. No run is worth an injury and now, I've re-injured myself worse than the original injury. Why? I push myself hard. I pushed myself too hard too soon. Obviously, my body wasn't ready for running yet and I thought I could do it. Too much too soon.

This injury means, no Holiday run this weekend in Venice/Santa Monica with the rest of my family. This injury probably means no running for the rest of December. This injury probably means no half marathon January 2nd.

I struggled so much last week to get back into things after taking time off last time. Then, to be taking more time off not only with running but at the gym. It's going to set me back. I'm going to have to build up my running abilities again. Not to mention the struggles I will have with my weight loss. It's disappointing to say the least.