I can't remember the last time I binged. I mean really binged. I've been knocked off track or splurged but really it's been a long time since I've binged. I must admit, I binged today. My girls are sick, we've laid around all weekend, nursing them and watching movies. I'm stressed, probably a bit due to the girls being sick, weather change and financial stress. I'm in a funk.
I decided to go to the store today to rent something from Redbox. My husband asked me to pick him up a candy bar. They were on sale 2 for $1.00. Plus I had two coupons buy one get one free. Yeah, I ended up leaving with 8 candy bars. One for each of my girls. The rest were for my husband and I. I ended up telling myself that if I ate one on the way home, it wouldn't be a big deal, no one would have to know. Yeah, I told myself that. No one would find out. So, I did. I felt so sneaky and I ate it quickly. So quickly that I hardly tasted the flavor. I came home with 7 candy bars. My girls ate 2, my husband ate 2, and I had 2 more! Yep, you read that right I ate 3 candy bars today. 750 (ish) calories wasted, I'm sure. Why did I do this? I'm feeling so incredibly emotional today. Probably due to lack of sleep and lots of financial stress. I can feel that I'm in a funk, this behavior isn't normal for me, any more. Old habits can sneak up on you quickly and are really hard to change.
I'm holding myself accountable and owning my behavior. I could have kept it to myself and no one, other than myself and God, would have known. But I'm blogging about it, letting you all know that while my intentions are good, I too still get off track.
It's okay...we all have those moments where we slip. My only encouragement would be to pray, forgive yourself, and just keep going!!!
ReplyDeleteI saw the plea you left on Sunday Sharing, so know that I am praying for you not just today, but every morning this week around 6:30 a.m. Yes, we do all have these weaker moments and they do generally revolve around stress of some sort. Hope your girls are feeling better and you are able to get out some. But yesterday is in the past - forget about it!!
ReplyDeleteThank you both!
ReplyDeleteKimberlynn -- You're so right! Before bed last night, I told my husband how I was feeling and what I did. He said to me, "Honey, it's ok. You rarely do that anymore. This one time isn't going to ruin everything." He is right, I thought about my last binge, I think it was Easter and it was different it wasn't emotionally fueled. I just couldn't put down those cadsberry eggs.
Sharon, you are very sweet. Seeing your blog was exactly what I needed at that moment.
I'm going to spend some time with God today. I need to tell him whats in my heart and on my mind. Then, I know I will be able to move on.
Sara, I hate to break it to you, but I don't think that really counts as a binge. :) lol Really, I think of a binge as someone getting fast food from 3 different drive throughs, donuts, candy, chips (have to have sweet and salty), and they eat it all alone in the car or at home, ect. 3 candy bars is just having 2 too many of something. Don't beat your self up.. your doing great and you won't go back to your old habits. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteYou might be right compared to someone else this probably wasn't a binge, just a case of overeating. But for me, it was emotionally fueled, it was secretive, and embarrassing. I ended up caving and decided to eat a 4th candy bar so it would stop taunting me in the fridge. For me, this episode might not have been as bad calorie wise as other people's binges but the food hoarding and emotions were the same. I own it and I'm moving on. It's a new day and I can do a lot better.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, and yes you are gonna continue to do great! xoxo
ReplyDelete(((((Sara))))))
ReplyDelete