Amazing

,2010 has been an amazing year for me. I've changed so much, not just in appearance but in my heart. I know God has been doing some great work in there and is continuing to change me. I am not sad to see 2010 go. I do not have a list of New Years resolutions to accomplish. Yet, I'm so excited for 2011 and the changes that God is going to continue to bring into my life and into my heart.

Of course, I still have so many adventures I want to accomplish. So many goals and dreams to dream. The inner-athlete is alive, awake and well.

I pray God blesses each and everyone of you in 2011 and that you see your life for what it is, a gift from God. I pray that he provides you strength and peace to meet and exceed in any challenge you may face. I pray that life is not only what you want out of it, but it is God's will being done.



Oh and I ended the year right. I got to the gym today and swam laps for about 30 minutes. It felt so good to be doing something active again.

Dec 2009

Nov 2010



Bring on 2011. :)

Getting on track

Getting back on track is going to take more than just the desire to get on track. It's going to take more than just "talk" about being back on track. I've let in a lot of carbs, sugar and other junk food into my diet the last couple of weeks. For me, that means I'm going to be fighting cravings again.

I'm still limited in what I can do physically. I'm going to start swimming this week but that gym is 30 minutes away so I won't be able to swim daily, maybe just a couple of times a week if I'm lucky.

I also have both of my kids home from school, so it's going to take some extra effort and planning to get a workout in. It's also means I am going to have to work up my endurance and build up my strength to what it was. I know this is going to take time.

Getting back on track with my food will be easier in some ways and harder in others. I haven't brought a lot of food into our house lately. I need to go grocery shopping. Thus, only healthy and diet friendly foods will be coming in. So why is it going to be harder, you ask? I've gotten used to eating out again. Hard habit to break. And the cravings...

Good news is things are really starting to come through with our investment. But money will get tighter before it gets better. Which can only help us to eat at home. I know if I want to get back on track, kick 180's behind and reach my goals I am going to need to get right with my food, work hard and pray for strength to stay on track.

Yesterdays meals:

Oatmeal for breakfast
Clam Chowder for lunch
Meat loaf, Broccoli and Mashed Potatoes for dinner.

Yeah not the best food choices but I'm working on it. It was so cold and rainy and Richard had been begging for meat loaf for a long time and it really isn't that bad of a choice. Plus I kept portions under control especially with the mashed potatoes. The girls and Rich loved dinner and that always feels good too.

Weighing In

I held myself accountable today for all the goodness the holidays had to offer. The treats, coookies, fudge, warm apple cider, fatty fried dinners and even the 3 times I got Starbucks this month ( tall size only :)

I can't remember the last time I stepped on the scale but it's been a while. Judging from my blog, it was back in November. I know I was teetering between 185-188 lbs. I can feel that I've gained some weight, I can see it ever so slightly on my body, face and arms. I can tell by the way my clothes are fitting differently. These are the first signs of weight gain and it's with these that I am going to do something about it. I'm back and re-energized.

Today's weigh in wasn't as bad as I thought it could be 189 lbs. I'm thankful I didn't hit the 190's mark but to be honest, 180's I'm not in love with you. I don't want to be with you any more and I'm ready to move on. It's been good while I'm here but I deserve better and can do better. I think it's time we should see other people. ;-)

Merry Christmas

I hope each and everyone of you were filled with the spirit of Christmas and blessings.

My family and I had a a very wonderful Christmas. Christmas has given me so much. So many wonderful memories were made. I baked and I baked and I baked... 11 dozen cookies and a batch of fudge this week alone. My niece and nephew came over and baked cookies for Santa with the girls and I. We gave 2 dozen of them to my parents as part of their gift. I sent 2 dozen home with the kids for Santa at their house. I brought 2 dozen to a holiday gathering at my other sisters. Another dozen to my father in law. I gave some more to a friend... and yeah we had a lot too.

We were incredibly blessed this Christmas. I was blessed with several new outfits, new boots, a new coat and running gear. I can't wait to run again.

I haven't stepped on the scale but I'm sure I've also been blessed with a few extra pounds to re-lose and a clear determined mind to start exercising again. I'm excited, not about the pounds of course, but excited to get back on track. I think I am going to start going to a different gym (temporarily) and swim. My mom gave me a 45 day trial pass (free), and I really think this will help a lot. I'm also going to start back with yoga. As I gain strength I will return to cycle, running and weight training. To keep me motivated, I'm going to start planning for the 2011 season. I see a few runs and triathlons in my future.

I've let go

I've let go. I've let go of my expectations of myself, I've let go of the diet. I've let go of my time line to be back at the gym.

I've spent the last several weeks feeling sort of normal. I haven't weighed myself in over a month - AND I'm ok with that. Last year, I dieted through the holidays and missed out on a lot of things. This year, I'm missing out on nothing. But that doesn't mean I'm binging at every moment.

My eating habits have changed and I can make healthier choices and stop when I've full. But that doesn't mean that I don't indulge either. Come January, I will be back to watching everything I eat. Whether or not I'm back at the gym.

My ankle is healing. It's a slow process. I can get around now. It's slightly swollen still. I keep it wrapped most of the time, but it's slowly getting stronger every day. I think I'm going to try yoga soon. But I'm not ready for running or spinning any time soon. I know I still have a long time to heal and it's already been 3 weeks.

I've had a lot of family stuff going on, investment stuff and of course all the Christmas stuff going on too. Probably a lot like all of you. I've had so many times I just wanted / needed to go running. I just can't and I know it. The other day, I was so angry I needed a good long run. I honestly debated trying but I knew it was stupid of me to even think about doing it. I had a nice long chat with a friend instead.

I miss my gym friends, I miss my life. I can't wait to be better again.

Prayer

My monthly mom's bible study was today and the topic was prayer. It was such a helpful topic for me. My prayers are always generic, always basic, always say the same thing. Really, though it's not my will I should be praying for, it's God's. I want his will to be done in my life.

If that means, it takes me longer to get to goal weight, I'm fine with that. If that means my injury teaches me a lesson in humility so be it. If that means, I stumble through this trial, I know I'm not alone. After all, isn't it the pray-er who changes, rather than the prayer that way. Jesus once prayed "not my will Lord, but Yours be done" Luke 22:42.

My entire journey has been goal focused and driven by meeting them. I've had a lot of success thus far. People have looked to me as an example, and a shinning star. Really though, it's not my success. It's Gods. Deep in my soul, I know he is using me right now. I'm sure of it. Deep in my soul, I know I'm different not because of me or who I am but because of who he is.

With that said, I know I'm struggling with dieting and not exercising. I know I need prayer about this. I know that I first must pray and tell God my needs, even though he already knows. I give him my injury. I give him my anguish. I have not given up on him, or on my self. This is just a bump in the road. I will take a valuable lesson and be blessed by this.

All or Nothing

Yeah... that's me. I'm all or nothing, a good thing if I'm in. But, not so much if I'm not. There really is no in between and when it comes to dieting that's not good either.

My ankle is still jacked up. I'm starting to think there is a strong possibility it's broke. Due to a conversation with a friend PA and my symptoms. Since I don't have insurance I have been avoiding going to the doctor, trying to self medicate and treat. I've been keeping my ankle wrapped 24/7 since the fall only to unwrap to shower/change/etc. I ice and elevate every night and rest it as much as possible.

My food intake has been bad. VERY bad. Like I can careless bad. I see my middle quickly expanding. I can barely walk so most exercise is completely out of the question. I'm in a funk, I know. I'm an all or nothing person and right now, unfortunately, it's nothing.

Too Much Too Soon

Mondays are often struggles for me. I struggle with finding the motivation to get out of the house and back to the gym after the weekend. I always feel so accomplished one I'm there. Yesterday, was no different and I got a great workout, Spin in.

I had a busy day Christmas shopping. I've spent the entire weekend shopping but didn't really buy anything, I had my girls with me and just wanted to get ideas for everyone. I made a Costco trip and went to the mall before I had to pick up my daughter from school. We got our Christmas tree yesterday too. It's so pretty.

After the girls went to bed, I went for my run with Zumara. My ankle had been doing fine. No soreness at all and it felt stronger. All day, I kept thinking it was healed. About a mile into our run, I hear a Popping and grinding sound. My ankle was unstable, it hurt and it couldn't support my weight. I sat there, in agony, and cried. I had Zumara call Richard to come pick me up. I couldn't talk it hurt so bad. There was no way I would have made it home on my own.

I'm so disappointed in my self and with my body. No run is worth an injury and now, I've re-injured myself worse than the original injury. Why? I push myself hard. I pushed myself too hard too soon. Obviously, my body wasn't ready for running yet and I thought I could do it. Too much too soon.

This injury means, no Holiday run this weekend in Venice/Santa Monica with the rest of my family. This injury probably means no running for the rest of December. This injury probably means no half marathon January 2nd.

I struggled so much last week to get back into things after taking time off last time. Then, to be taking more time off not only with running but at the gym. It's going to set me back. I'm going to have to build up my running abilities again. Not to mention the struggles I will have with my weight loss. It's disappointing to say the least.

Early Mornings

4:50 am - Yeah, that is the time I got up and went to the gym this morning. Cycle promptly starts at 5:30 am. I know you have to get there at 5:15 to get a ticket and ensure a bike. I don't do mornings, I am not a morning person. I'm a night owl, I was awake until after midnight. I woke up several times in the night, afraid I was going to be late this morning. I love early morning cycle, but it's hard for me to GET up.

Cycle was great though, we had a sub, Don. I've never tried Don but I've heard great things about him. He was very motivating and a great instructor. I've never had a male instructor before - and he was easy on the eyes even at 5:30am ;-) ha ha

I pushed myself hard. I was so full of energy when I left the gym. I went to the store to buy stuff to cook for breakfast, you know surprise the family before they woke up. Chorrizo and eggs -- YUM! The only way I eat eggs is Chorrizo and eggs.

By 8:05 am I had already gotten up, completed a cycle class, went to the store, cooked my family breakfast, gotten both of my girls up ready and off to school, drove my hubby to work and come home. I was full of energy ... but it wasn't long before the exhaustion of lack of sleep kicked in and I fell asleep again, cuddled in my bed around 8:45 am. The kids are gone, the house is clean (well minus the breakfast dishes) and I didn't have anything in particular planned. So why not catch up on my rest and face the day at an hour I when I'm ready?

I've been contemplating my schedule a lot lately. Soon, I am going to have to go back to work. There really isn't any option about it. When it happens, what will my training schedule look like? Where will my gym time go? What about my running? And all the things that are important to me, like my weight loss and bible study time?

I know God doesn't want me to worry about these things but I do feel the need to plan for them. The only way I know I will be able to make it to the gym is to do it before the kids go to school, before I will have to go to work. That means, despite my complete and udder disdain for waking up early, I will have to. I will have to take advantage of the 5:30 am classes, early morning workouts and still evening and weekend runs. That's just the way it is. I've accepted it.

Finally Friday

It's Friday already and I realize I haven't posted since I said I was back at it on Tuesday. That doesn't mean I fell off the wagon again though.

I've been busy busting my fat at the gym every day since. I'm trying to get back into my regular routine. It's wearing me out! Seriously, I've had to take a nap almost every day because after the adrenaline rush is gone, I'm just exhausted from all that hard work! I can't help but take a nap.

You would think that I could do all the same things I did before my injury with no problem jumping right back in. It really hasn't been **that** long.

My gym friend Laura told me this week that I am very dedicated and hardworking once I've chosen to do something. It's true, I've always felt this way about myself but it's feels different when someone else says it about you. Which got me to thinking about my journey...

I can seriously go months without slipping up, with out cheating on my diet, with out missing an opportunity to exercise. But I am an all or nothing type of person. You either get all of my efforts, or none. There really is no in between.

Since my injury, I haven't been able to exercise, so I didn't care what I ate. It's true I made some really bad choices that I wouldn't have made if I had been going to the gym. When I'm exercising, I really think about my food choices and if they are worth the hardworking and calorie burning I did at the gym. Most of the time, it keeps me inline with my eating.

When I'm not at the gym, I don't think like that. I can't explain why but the thought doesn't occur to me. Yeah I know I'm not making great choices and I'm not moving more. So I because I'm not exercising I think I'm not going to lose weight anyways because . . . Even though I know weight loss is primarily DIET and secondarily exercise. You can be fit and still be FAT or you can be skinny and be out of shape. It all depends on how frequently you exercise. I'm there, I know it. I can exercise many skinny people... Someday soon, I hope to just be fit.

So what does this all mean, to me? This all or nothing business? My eating habits have greatly improved since I started my journey. I eat until I'm no longer hungry, I do not eat until I'm stuffed or even until I'm "full". I can control my portions. I can enjoy snacks in moderation but I still struggle with sweets. In fact, I think sweets are my biggest hang up because once I get some in my system, my mind craves for more, more and more. It takes a lot of willpower and discipline to get back on track for me and sweets. Moderation by a dieters standards is virtually non-existent. I really need to refocus here, with my sweet intake. Am I ready to do it yet? To be honest, I don't know. Mentally I can want to be skinnier, I can want to eat better all the time but I really have to want it in order to do it. This journey has been so much more to be than becoming skinnier, it's becoming healthier, happier and more spiritual too.

This weeks exercise schedule:

Monday: Running/Walk 3 miles
Tuesday: Body Pump and Cycle
Wednesday: Cycle
Thursday: Body Pump and Cycle
Friday: Cycle (5:30 am)

I did planks once this week and will be doing more today and over the weekend. I want to get in the routine of cycle and abs on Weds with Running Weds night.

Oh and I got to talking to someone at the gym this morning about running, she invited me to go running with her and a group just outside of town they do hill training on the weekends. I'm excited and hope I can join.