Update...

Where to start, where to start. So much has happened in life lately that I don't even know where to begin to update. I guess, I'll start where I left off.

I completed the Women's Fitness Festival 5K, running! It almost killed me because I am so out of shape. But it was fun and I felt so successful doing it. I enjoyed the fitness festival and got a few pics.

I've been running still, gotten up to 5.5 miles of run/walking. With Zumara. We were squeezing in our runs a few days a week. I really love running. We have Wharf to Wharf coming up soon, July 24th. It's going to be spectucular.





I finally weighed myself. It was the first time in MONTHS that I stepped on the scale. The scale was very honest with me and my slacker ways. I've gained a few pounds. I already knew this by the way my clothes fit. And, how hard it's been to get back in the routine. I'm not really happy about it but I know it's my choices that have gotten me here.





So now, it's time for good news and bad news...





Good news is, we opened our own business. Our towing company is finally up and running and on rotations with local law enforcement agencies. Unfortunately, this is giving me less free time to focus on other things. But I hope that changes as our business grows.








Bad news is, last night I twisted my ankle while running. The same ankle that I injured a while back. It will be my last run for a while. My ankle is swollen, stiff and sore. It's not hurting too bad, I can tell it's not a major injury like last time but it's not in good shape either. It looks nasty right now. So what does this mean to me? A huge set back. I highly doubt I will be able to run wharf to wharf. I was really looking forward to it. Instead, if I am able, I will walk wharf to wharf. It also means, a huge set back in training for the Nike Women's Marathon. I'm hoping to heal in a few weeks and to be back to running. Ultimately, I know my running days are numbered and my ankle will always be prone to injury/re-injury. I'm hoping my body holds up for Nike...

Running with my girls

Mariyn started softball camp today. I had so much fun watching her. She practiced her little heart out for 3 hours. She came home and told her dad how much fun she had. It was awesome.


We were all in the living room tonight, when Mariyn asked me to go for a run with her. We ran to her school and back, looping around our neighborhood. It was just over 1 mile. Mariyn ran the whole time and did not complain. She enjoyed it. How many 8 year olds, like to run? Mine does :) Ok, well, she is almost 9 but still. Make my heart happy to know I'm giving her a good example and habbits for a healthy, active lifestyle.

When Amelia, my 4 year old, heard we were going running, she wanted to go too. I knew she couldn't make the whole mile, so I told her we would take her when we got back. She was a little dissappointed. But that was short lived when we got back home and she was ready to go. I wasn't sure how far Amelia could run, so I figured at most we would run/walk around our block. At least, down the street. Amelia, ran all around our entire block. It's nearly a half mile! We sang our ABC's and counted the whole way. She was very cute and had lots of fun.

I know everyone is proud of their kids (or should be) but it really does give me a lot of joy to see them engage in an active lifestyle. It makes me feel as if I'm doing something right, even if I am still over weight. I'm giving them a love for fitness that will help them live longer, happier and healthier throughout their life. My heart is full <3

5:30 am

I'm not a morning person. Never have been! Growing up, I was always late for school. It doesn't matter what time I go to bed, dragging myself out of it has always been so hard. Even as an adult, I struggled to get to work on time.

But today, here I sit. It's 5:30 am and I'm up getting ready for my 5K and blogging. I'm excited. Yeah, I know it's only a 5K but still this is something more than that to me. A year ago, it was proving to myself and everyone else that I was able to run. Now, I love to run.

A year ago, I was changing. Changing into a new healthier, fitter me. I'm still here. Maybe a little bit chubbier than I would like. Maybe I've been making bad eating decisions. Maybe I've been struggling but guess what? There is something I'm doing that matters more than that. ...

I'm still here! Yeah, that's right. I'm still here plugging away little bit by little bit doing what I can. I'm not giving up, I'm not giving in and I'm not going back.

I am no quitter. I'm determined. I am going to run!

Slippery Slope

I've noticed my dieting and life style change has quickly gone out the window. I haven't weighed my self in months! I'm still wearing the same size clothes as I was but they do not fit the same. How did this happen, you might ask?

It's a slippery slope. After my injury, I slowly allowed junk back into my diet. A brownie here, something chocolate and delicious there. Eating out.. because I was too lazy/stressed/busy to cook. Depression set in, more bad eating choices. Portions got larger. Choices got poorer.

We've even gotten into the habit of eating fast food. Drinking soda. I've made cupcakes twice this week! And eaten more than my fair share.

I'm not willing to give up every food I love to loose weight. But I'm not willing to go back to where I was either. I can easily see, how continuing like this can be dissasterous.

I see people from the gym, around town and I feel guilty. My children keep asking to go back to the gym. I need to sit down, and figure out a training schedule and stick to it. I've been runnning, at least that's something. But I know the diet has to change or I won't progress and make my goals like I want to.

My next 5K is Sunday. I'm looking forward to it and spending the day in San Francisco afterward with friends.

Update

I'm still struggling daily but I'm still trying to put one foot in front of the other. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Ups and downs. I might be in a valley now, but I know it's just temporary. God's grace will pull me through.

For now, I'm thinking of all the stressors that brought me here and evaluating my life. There are some things I can not controll and yet there are so many things, that I can. What can I change? has been the question I ponder most. What will help me feel better... even if temporarily.

God. Family. Friends. Exercise. I'm getting better with my running. Each and every run. I'm now up to running 2.5 miles. I'm sure I can run longer too ... on a good day. I'm playing softball 1-2 nights a week. I love the game. My daughter is officially on summer break around starting this afternoon! I have a great group of friend and a great family. Even on days, when I might be angry or down. Life has been tough on our marriage lately, but we both want to and are determined work through it. That in it'self is a blessing. <3

My friend's son graduated high school last night. The principal gave a really long speach... you know the kind... b-o-r-i-ng! But one thing rang out for me... A goal not written down is rarely achieved. The whole reason I blog to commit myself to my journey and my goals. Sharing the ups and downs along the way.

Admitting it

My biggest struggle lately, hasn't been with food or exercise. Although, I admit I struggle there too. It's been with contentment and happiness. I've been over whelmed, stressed out and struggling to put one foot in front of the other for months now. I've always struggled with depression. The regular ups and downs of life can sometimes get to me and can be disabling. Completely disabling. Marriage has been rough lately. Financially even rougher. Figuring out how to change our circumstances, is a challenge.

Yeah, I've stayed busy. I admit it. Trying not to dwell on the real problem(s). I struggle daily to feel happy. I struggle daily to be a nice wife, I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably. I struggle daily to be a good mom.

I've let too many outside influences get to me lately. I willing to admit it now, I've been fighting with depression. I say this not because I want sympathy, pitty or anything else but to recognize it and hopefully be able to move on. I want to be happy again.

Yesterday, I went my monthly bible study. It's been a while since I've gone, I know I missed last month. I had a busy day planned around softball. I amlost didn't go to bible study. I didn't have much gas in my car, and it was a luncheon. Everyone was suppossed to bring something. I didn't have extra time or money to get something prepared. But I knew if I didn't go, I would feel bad. Those were just excuses. So I went. The speaker was talking about gardening and of course related it to being a Christian. How you can feed your body, and not feed your spirit you're still walking around hungry. It reminded me a lot of this journey and also were I am today. I haven't been feeding my spirit. Instead, I'm turning to food, filling my time, and falling apart.

The last several days, I've been praying to have theses feelings I taken away. To feel happy again, and less bitter. I prayed on the way to bible study that God would give me something I need. That it would be worth the gas, worth the money spent on bringing food. (I brought farm fresh Strawberries by the way).

But something was different yesterday. For the first time in months, I felt happy. Not over joyed but happiness. Joy in my heart. It was a great feeling and I'm able to cope better today.

Goal Accomplished

Last week, I made a few goals. My first goal was to be able to completely run one mile. We also wanted to start using the weekend to do a long run.

Saturday, was filled with softball. My daughter's team is having an awesome season. We had two games on Saturday, won both.

Sunday morning, Mother's day, was also filled with softball. It's a good thing I love the game. Zumara and I decided to go for a long run. We mapped our run before hand. I looked specifically where the 1 mile mark was. We picked a destination to run to, just outside of town. It seemed so far.

I pushed myself to run, until I hit that 1 mile mark. And you know, it really wasn't that bad or too hard. We ended up run/walking 4.5 miles. Felt amazing to hit my goal. Next week, we're going to run further :-)