Update

I'm still struggling daily but I'm still trying to put one foot in front of the other. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Ups and downs. I might be in a valley now, but I know it's just temporary. God's grace will pull me through.

For now, I'm thinking of all the stressors that brought me here and evaluating my life. There are some things I can not controll and yet there are so many things, that I can. What can I change? has been the question I ponder most. What will help me feel better... even if temporarily.

God. Family. Friends. Exercise. I'm getting better with my running. Each and every run. I'm now up to running 2.5 miles. I'm sure I can run longer too ... on a good day. I'm playing softball 1-2 nights a week. I love the game. My daughter is officially on summer break around starting this afternoon! I have a great group of friend and a great family. Even on days, when I might be angry or down. Life has been tough on our marriage lately, but we both want to and are determined work through it. That in it'self is a blessing. <3

My friend's son graduated high school last night. The principal gave a really long speach... you know the kind... b-o-r-i-ng! But one thing rang out for me... A goal not written down is rarely achieved. The whole reason I blog to commit myself to my journey and my goals. Sharing the ups and downs along the way.

Admitting it

My biggest struggle lately, hasn't been with food or exercise. Although, I admit I struggle there too. It's been with contentment and happiness. I've been over whelmed, stressed out and struggling to put one foot in front of the other for months now. I've always struggled with depression. The regular ups and downs of life can sometimes get to me and can be disabling. Completely disabling. Marriage has been rough lately. Financially even rougher. Figuring out how to change our circumstances, is a challenge.

Yeah, I've stayed busy. I admit it. Trying not to dwell on the real problem(s). I struggle daily to feel happy. I struggle daily to be a nice wife, I'm pretty sure I'm failing miserably. I struggle daily to be a good mom.

I've let too many outside influences get to me lately. I willing to admit it now, I've been fighting with depression. I say this not because I want sympathy, pitty or anything else but to recognize it and hopefully be able to move on. I want to be happy again.

Yesterday, I went my monthly bible study. It's been a while since I've gone, I know I missed last month. I had a busy day planned around softball. I amlost didn't go to bible study. I didn't have much gas in my car, and it was a luncheon. Everyone was suppossed to bring something. I didn't have extra time or money to get something prepared. But I knew if I didn't go, I would feel bad. Those were just excuses. So I went. The speaker was talking about gardening and of course related it to being a Christian. How you can feed your body, and not feed your spirit you're still walking around hungry. It reminded me a lot of this journey and also were I am today. I haven't been feeding my spirit. Instead, I'm turning to food, filling my time, and falling apart.

The last several days, I've been praying to have theses feelings I taken away. To feel happy again, and less bitter. I prayed on the way to bible study that God would give me something I need. That it would be worth the gas, worth the money spent on bringing food. (I brought farm fresh Strawberries by the way).

But something was different yesterday. For the first time in months, I felt happy. Not over joyed but happiness. Joy in my heart. It was a great feeling and I'm able to cope better today.

Goal Accomplished

Last week, I made a few goals. My first goal was to be able to completely run one mile. We also wanted to start using the weekend to do a long run.

Saturday, was filled with softball. My daughter's team is having an awesome season. We had two games on Saturday, won both.

Sunday morning, Mother's day, was also filled with softball. It's a good thing I love the game. Zumara and I decided to go for a long run. We mapped our run before hand. I looked specifically where the 1 mile mark was. We picked a destination to run to, just outside of town. It seemed so far.

I pushed myself to run, until I hit that 1 mile mark. And you know, it really wasn't that bad or too hard. We ended up run/walking 4.5 miles. Felt amazing to hit my goal. Next week, we're going to run further :-)

Triathlon Training

So funny, but so true. Had to share =)

Accountability

I know I need to use some type of training schedule to keep myself accountable and not over do it. Zumara and I were talking last night during our run about setting a schedule and just sticking to it - NO MATTER WHAT. Good idea but I'm always a little scared of time commitments. I know that if we push ourselves we will be back and running in no time. I think we're going to shoot for Mon, Weds, Fri nights running with a longer daytime weekend run.

Last night we ran/walked about 4 miles. I ran the first half mile, no breaks. I was able to run a bit further than the Monday night. Running makes me be more accountable with all my other food choices. When I run, I just feel better, less stressed and more confident.

We talked about our upcoming runs. How excited we are and how we want to Rock the Nike Women's Marathon. We know it's going to be very challenging. San Francisco has LOTS of hills. It will be a great experience but I DO NOT want this to be my first half marathon experience. We want to find something less expensive, closer to home and gain some confidence and experience first. Then Rock San Francisco.

And in case you were wondering what I hope to follow up Nike with.... I'm already looking for more runs, more goals and more challanges. For now, I've set my eye on this, one of the most beautiful places in CA, Big Sur.

Running Season

Zumara and I went running the other night. We ran/walked 3.5 miles. It felt good but again, we walked about half of it. I know I'm holding Zumara back. I didn't even make the first mile running. Kind of sucks, lossing so much ability.


The bright side, I'm rebuilding and I know I will get there. My goal for now, to be able to run 1 mile. Yeah, the same goal I set January 2010. Then - build on it.


I have previously mentioned I am excited about this running season. This is what I'm looking forward to.

Women's Fitness Festival.

The women's festival was my favorite 5K last year. Nike is one of the sponsors, Kaiser has a huge pressence and Whole Foods!! Gourmet buffet breakfast by Whole Foods. Love them! The atmosphere is amazing and the swag was awesome. I'm looking forward to this event.

Wharf to Wharf

Running from Santa Cruz to Capitola, with ocean views? Who could ask for anything more? This 6 mile run will be breath taking and fun. Bands and street performers are along the route to keep you motivated. But really Santa Cruz is beautiful, what more could you ask for. This run sells out every year. When I heard about this run last year, it was already sold out. This year, I made a point to register early. It sold out in about 3 weeks! It will be Crazy Fun!

Of course, I will be running in other events too but these + training will get me prepared for the event of the season.

The Nike Women's Marathon.

ETA: I'm participating in the HALF Marathon. Full marathon is still MUCH further than I want to run... haha

Two sold out events. Races that I've wanted to run for more than a year. I couldn't be more excited.