Shopping

I went shopping this weekend! I had a few Christmas things to return that didn't workout/fit whatever from my mom and hubby. So I took the money and went shopping for myself. I spent nearly 4 hours inside TJ Maxx searching for the best deals. I needed so much stuff, I wanted to not only get clothes that I love but the most bang for my buck.

I tried on a variety of clothes, 35 items to be exact, and narrowed it down greatly. At TJ Maxx, I got 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of slacks, 6 shirts, 1 black cardigan type thing, boots and a ring for $145 including tax. Not bad. I went over budget but really not by much and I got a lot of thing I needed. I also hit up Kohls, I had $10 of Kohl's cash to spend or it expired. At Kohl's, I ended up getting a nice sweater and two pairs of leggings (brown and grey). I think I spent $25 total at Kohl's. Then I got a cute button up dress at JC Penny's on clearance for less than $12. What can I say, I'm a happy girl.

I had a lot of fun shopping. Zumara and I spent several hours scouring the stores looking for the best deals both Saturday and Sunday. I tried on so much stuff at TJ Maxx, mostly because I didn't know what size I would be exactly. Out of the 10 pairs of pants, I got the two I liked the most. Most didn't fit my body type right because they are junior sizes. There is a huge difference in the way misses clothes fit me and to the way junior sizes fit. I'm ok with that and I love my curves.

I recall memories of bringing in zillons of clothes into a dressing room to only find out that nothing fit and leave crying. This time, I brought in so much stuff that not only fit but that I liked. I had a really difficult choice narrowing stuff down. I can't wait to be at goal, shopping is fun again.

I called my mom one I left the store to tell her of all my finds and that I really did spend the Christmas money on myself. Often, I can't find anything and the money gets spent on other things before I know it. She asked me to take a picture of my stuff to send to her. So Mariyn took this of me in my favorite outfit.


I love the back of this shirt! The wings have the cutest finger size holes. I feel sexy without showing off too much. <3 Ahh to enjoy shopping again!

Emo

I cried.

I broke down.

I had a pitty party.


Yesterday, I lounged around the house most of the day feeling sorry for myself. Why, you might ask? Because I was feeling bad about the way I look. As you probably know from reading, it's now been 18 months since I've worked. I'm so thankful for this time off to focus on myself and my family but money is so incredibly tight. It's stressful. Right now, it's even more stressful than normal because of the investment stuff we have going on, the holidays coming up. It's a bit overwhelming when I think of it all.

I've been able to spend more time with my friends lately and I've rediscovered how much I love getting dressed up. The only problem - I don't have much that fits me. Everything is too big, even my pre-baby jeans are getting more and more roomy. A good problem to have when you're trying to lose weight. It's not a good problem to have though when you don't have extra money to spend on clothes. Right now, there is nothing more I'd rather do the go out and buy myself clothes.... I'd feel so much better about myself, about my progress.

My husband has been selling things on craigslist trying to come up with extra money for our investment. He came home and told me he sold something for $300. Great news! Then, I emotionally broke down because I want to have nice things to wear. I've worked so hard to lose the weight (approx 75lbs). Other than gym clothes, I only have 3 shirts that fit me and a few pairs of jeans. I was folding laundry in my spare bedroom when my husband came in and told me. I broke down crying because I was so upset. I know it sounds trivial but really could you imagine how you would feel if you lost 75 lbs and didn't have the means to replace your clothes?

I know I made Rich feel really bad because he is so proud of my for losing the weight. He has been working so hard to provide for our family and make ends meet. Some weeks, he puts in over 80 hours. Every week he puts in more than 40... He is stressed, he is tired yet he keeps working so hard to provide for us, for our family.

After, I pulled myself together I apologized to him. I should not have gotten as upset as I did over clothes. Really, I know I have what I need and my family is provided for. I am wanting to go through my closet and take my old stuff to a consignment shop. Hopefully, then I will be able to add a few more things to my closet that fit.

I know I'm not at goal so anything I buy now is just temporary clothing. Which is the biggest reason, I haven't splurged and gotten myself new stuff. I don't want to waste money when it's so hard to come by. But if I was more cautious in other areas, I probably could buy myself a few new things. Most of us can probably cut back, somewhere right? I really don't want a lot, just more than a 3 different outfits to wear, you know?

Graciously, Rich said I could spend $100 on myself for clothes. He really is a sweet and loving husband. The money he plans to give me once he sells his stuff on craigslist. I love him so much.

The silver lining - This is my first huge emotional break down that I remember in this weight loss journey because something(s) didn't fit. Before, I always felt bad about myself because clothes didn't fit like I wanted them too. I would rather wear clothes that are too big for me and be healthy then be fat and wear clothes that are too snug and small. It really is harder to be fat.

Shopping

I've had a few shopping experiences lately. Huge NSV and goals were met. Plus other revelations were made:


I went to Frederick's of Hollywood to buy a corset for Halloween. My friends and I were all supposed to be playboy bunnies. I was nervous about this costume idea because it showed A LOT of skin. But I found a corset and it fit. I felt comfortable in it and bought it. My friend was wearing booty shorts with hers and I asked the sales lady for a pair. They only had one pair left, an extra large. My first thought, PERFECT! I try everything on together and the booty shorts were too BIG. Yeah, they stayed on my body, technically but I'd be readjusting the wait and legs all night because they were loose!

Way back when I started my journey my goal was to be able to shop in a normal size store. Yeah, I've bought a few things from more normal stores/online but hadn't had the experience of needing to put something back because it was TOO big! I almost left the store in tears because I was so happy it didn't fit. I am so used to leaving upset because nothing fits!


When I got home, I proudly put on my new corset to show my husband. I felt hot! He let me know that he wasn't comfortable with me wearing a corset in public, especially without him being there. He agreed it looked good. But this was only the second time I can remember in our relationship he asked me not to wear something. So I returned the corset the next day.

With the corset back at the store, I now needed a new costume idea. I walked around the mall and noticed Anchor Blue had costumes - cute ones! I tried on two a hottie pirate and a police officer. They both fit! Did I mention that I consider Anchor Blue a teen store? It was one of my favorite places to shop when I was in high school. The bonus, everything there was buy 2 get 2 free. And since I was buying a costume and in need of clothes I looked around. I ended up buying a sweater for me and jeans and a shirt for Rich, along with the costume and ended up spending $10 less than I had already spent of the corset. I was thinking about buying a pair of pants but I actually have enough that fit or sort of fit right now. And I was too worried about how my body would change when I get smaller. What if that fit of jeans, just isn't right for me? So I didn't new pants.

So here is my revelation: shopping in normal stores is not only a great feeling but it's cheaper! Yes, clothes from Lane Bryant, Torrid or whatever "go to store" I shopped at before was so much more expensive in comparison. I'm talking like half the price - plus the clothes are so much cuter! I can't wait to be at GW and have money to shop!

On a side note: Zumara and I ran about 5 miles last night. We're running again tonight and now I'm off to the gym.

Hot 100

Hot 100

Here is the deal. Almost a year ago, I set out to lose 100lbs. I've lost 70 of those 100. Here we are, down to only 100 days left of 2010. Crazy, I know the year has just flown by. So, for the last 100 days of 2010, I am going to work on reaching my goal. It's a lot of weight to lose in 100 days, but I've lost 30lbs in 90 days before, so why not try it again. If I fail short, who cares, as long as if I'm losing, right?.

My goals for the Hot 100 are going to be 3 part:

• Lose the 30 lbs
• Fit into a size 8
  
• Increase my running mileage.
  

So how am I going to do this you ask? Mostly by continuing to do what I'm doing now but focus more on my diet and eating the right things all the time. I've noticed I start cheating little bit here and there and the weight just doesn't come off. I haven't done my official weigh in for 2 weeks. :X Which I think is the longest amount of time since I started this journey.

I can fit into a size 10 now. I'd really like to see a single digit size by the end of the year. Of course anything smaller than a size 8 would be awesome, but unimaginable to me at this point.

Each week, I am going to hold myself accountable with my weekly weigh ins. I'm going to continue to exercise and get in more running time. I'm signing up for several local events including these:

• Princess Promenade Bike Ride
• Riverbank Wine and Cheese Run
  
• Mud Run
• Salmon Duathlon
  
• Holiday Run Copperopolis
  

Not only do I want to start 2010 off at goal weight, in a smaller size, but I want to be able to run a half marathon in the beginning of 2011. It might sound like a big goal, but I'm pretty sure I can do it with some more training. Plus, I'll have the entire year to build on what I can do athletically and increase my time and abilities.

3 days until Tri :)

Last night I took the girls on a bike ride, just a short family ride around the neighborhood. I think it was the first one we've gone on since the girls started school. It just felt so good. The girls had fun, and we had lots of family time yesterday. I'm so thankful that I can ride bikes with my girls. It's a blessing.

Mariyn wanted to ride her bike to school today, so we did, and Irode (pulling Amelia in the trailer of course) to the gym across town and back home. I squeezed in the last bit of training before I leave to Tahoe, I did body pump and cycle. After school, Amelia and I went to pick up Mariyn. So on top of body pump and cycle at the gym, I rode more than 5 miles on my bike today. :)

My mom called me this morning and told me she is planning on being home tonight, praise the lord the emergency situation didn't get more serious and is going to be ok. I am so thankful that God cares about my wants and handled that situation so my mom will be able to join me on Sunday and I will be able to compete.

I was a talking to Richard last night about the situation and I could tell he really felt bad because he knows how hard I've been training and that the only reason he isn't going is because he plans on hunting. He knows I would be disappointed if I didn't get to participate come Sunday. I think he was going to tell me that he wouldn't go on his trip, but before he could I told him that wasn't what I wanted. If my mom wasn't able to go, and I wasn't able to find anyone else, I didn't want or expect him to give up his thing for me. He gives up so much for me already and is always supportive of my needs/wants. I don't like hunting season (and he knows it) but I realize that it is the only thing he really does for himself with his friends and it's important to him. I wouldn't want him to miss out because I might have to miss out. Thankfully, my mom is able to come. My sweet husband took the day off of work tomorrow to spend with me.

I have a lot of laundry and packing to do tonight. In addition, I would like to get a few laps in the pool tonight, wearing my wetsuit. Tomorrow I just want to enjoy my husband as much as possible. If money allows, I would like to pick up a cheap pair of sunglasses and a new sports bra. I haven't bought new sports bras last October when I started working out, they are really great, adidas ones form Costco. However, since I lost weight, I think I might get a better fit from a smaller size. Nice sports bra's are so expensive though, it's crazy and Costco no longer has the adidas ones in stock.

7 days til Tri - My TRI

A few days ago I created the "countdown to triathlon" workout schedule. With only a few days left, I need to make sure I'm ready but not over training. On today's agenda: swim, bike, run. No problem right? While I got up early enough to do my swim, I didn't get up early enough to do the swim, get the kids and I ready AND make it to the gym for cycle by 9 am. So what did I do? Improvise people!

I decided to try out "my" tri-suit -- AKA training clothes I bought last night in the pool. It's tight, skin tight but comfortable. When I put it on, I asked Rich if I looked too big to be wearing something like this in public. He said, "Not at all, a year ago yes but not today. You look great!" He makes me feel so good, and I hope he was being honest, I think he was. I decided to do my own version of swim, bike, run, practicing the transitions is really going to be important as well as adjusting to the different types of movements consecutively.

I got ready for my swim, set my transition stuff on the front porch and opened the garage so I could easily access my bike and transition. I swam 50 laps in my pool, grabbed a towel then transitioned to my bike, letting hubby know I was taking off of course. I rode 3 laps around our normal running course, hitting the hills up and down for a total of 7 miles. After the third lap, I put my bike away (transitioned) and took of on my run and ran about 2.2 miles. This is where "my tri-suit" was really put to the test. I was perfectly comfortable during the ride, my shorts dried completely. My shirt was still short of damp, mostly in the bust area due to the layers of support, I'm sure. To keep myself motivated, I kept thinking of how good it's going to feel to finish, and making up headlines in my head as if MY finishing a triathlon was a historic event. Small town women, losses 66 lbs and finishes triathlon! LOL - yeah I'm corny at times, I know. But I'm used to talking to someone during my run and I've already been around this loop 3 other times today!

My outfit held up great, no chaffing and much more supportive than a swimsuit. However, I think I'm going to do some tweaking. The shirt is much more supportive when dry then wet. Probably because it losses a bit of shape when wet. So, weds when I do my last swim, bike, run, I'm going to swim in a sports bra with the shorts, instead of the tank under the wet suit. Then transition to the tank after the swim. Hopefully that works better. If not, I am confident I can get through the real triathlon in this outfit.

Todays mission complete:


Swim (50 laps x 40 feet) = 2000 feet = 610 meters

Bike 7 Miles = 11.2 K

Run 2.2 Miles = 3.5 K


Triathlon requirements:

400 Meter Swim - 24K Bike - 5K Run


I'm SOOO ready for this!!!

What to wear?

I'm preparing my mental list of needs for my triathlon. Reading up on "what do I need" type articles to make sure I've got everything. My wetsuit is in route and should be delivered on Monday. I really hope it fits. I ordered it from Costco, in a size 12, I hear wetsuits in general run small. Costco is great about returning things if I have any problems like it not fitting properly. Thinking positive ::: it will work::: if not, I can always rent one at there.

My next issue, the swimsuit. Yes, I own a pool. Yes, I own swimsuits but not an athletic swimsuit. I went to two sporting goods stores today, Big 5 and Sports Authority to find a swimsuit. While, I was able to find ones that fit me none of them were supportive enough of "the girls" to think about wearing the entire race. So I swim in it, under my wetsuit and then what? Change in front of 1000 people? How could I get a bra under it, to provide support? In theory, I was hoping I would find a suit supportive enough to wear under a shirt throughout the race. I want my transitions to be quick. I'm not stripping down in front of that many people and I don't think there is a changing area.... that's just not practicle either. What to do? It's too late to get a triathlon suit and honestly, they're too expensive. Plus, I have no real way of knowing how much support they are going to provide. What to do? What to do?

Once I left big 5 dissappointed, I figured I'd come home and look on the internet. I know it's really too late to order anything now. But, it never hurts to look. The triathlon suits really don't look much different than some running clothes. I went to Sports Authority to check out their selection of swimsuits, in hopes of finding something more supportive. I did find a more supportive swimsuit at the Sports Authority. It was $66 and I really don't think it was going to be THAT supportive. Full of hope, I ran in place in the changing room trying each one on, putting them to a quick test. If I was bouncing all over the place running in the dressing room I knew it wasn't going to cut it for 15 miles of cycle + 3 miles of running.

Disappointed I walked around the store. Trying to figure out what to do. I checked the clearance racks and looked at all the apparel. Wishing, I had planned better and found a way to get a good trisuit I decided not to get a swimsuit. I really don't see myself getting much use out of an athletic swimsuit. I'm still trying to lose weight and won't be wearing it much more this year. I highly doubt it will fit me next summer. So really is it worth $66 just to wear a few times at most? No, it's not to me. I've been wanting a cute pair of shorts for the gym. I know I'll get plenty of use out of them in cycle. I had an idea! Why not wear form fitting training clothes under my wetsuit, instead of a swimsuit, like I would have worn a trisuit? I could always make my own tri-suit or psuedo tri-suit out of something I would WEAR again. Why not? As long as if it's form fitting and thin enough it should fit under the wetsuit just like a swimsuit, right? Then I won't have to worry about awkward changing moments or support issues. Plus, I will be able to get use out of it again and again, until it no longer fits me. Most of the athletic tank tops have a built in bra, which isn't ideal support on it's own but way more supportive than the swimsuits I found. I just might be able to make this work. Luckily, I have a few days to try the outfit out in the pool or find something else.

I ended up getting these items: My unofficial tri-suit.

Nike Women's Pro Core Sport Top - Mine is a pretty purple color and I got it off the clearance rack for less than $18.00



Nike Women's Pro Core Compression Shorts


I have a feeling this could be a learning experience but I am going to try it out in the pool without the wetsuit tomorrow. I think it just *might* work and if it does, my transition times will be quick! ;-)

Look at the Jeans she's wearin'

I live in a 3 bedroom house. My daughters share a room, my husband and I share a room and then we have the guest room. Other than the bed in my room, all of my stuff is in the guest room. Our master bedroom's bathroom and closet are small and just not enough room for my husband's clothes and mine. Graciously I took over the guest bedroom, with the biggest closet. I moved all of my stuff in there but a stack of pants and stuff that didn't fit. I didn't need them or think about them much because they just didn't fit and they've been sitting in my husband's closet ever since the move.

Since I've been losing weight I've gone and dug through the pile a few times. Finding a few "new" things that will fit and knowing most of them do not. A lot of the items are my pre-baby jeans. You know, the jeans you would spend $80 or more on because you were young and didn't have too financial woes. Yesterday, I noticed the pile in the closet while looking for a pair of shoes and though, I wonder how much of this might fit. I was home alone and decided it would be so much more rewarding to try it on with my husband home.

So last night, I tried on all these clothes with Richard watching, even my pre-babies express jeans. Each pair he would ask, what size is that? When was the last time you could fit into those? And to be honest, most of them were either at my skinniest post baby size (when I was sick with gallstones in 2005) or my heaviest weight pre-baby. I could get on nearly EVERY pair of pants, now the styles of changed in the last 10 years and so has my body. Not all of them looked good on me. Some of the jeans actually fit me better but many did not. But being able to get into all my skinny clothes felt so good. Even if skinny was a hip hugging junior size 13. I think the smallest size I had was an 11 and I know junior clothes and women's clothes are sized differently, for different types of curves. I had to explain this to my husband who was too curious as to why I was a "10" but had trouble squeezing into some of my old size 11's or 13's. I do have to admit though, some of the jeans looked good and I'm excited to be able to wear them again :-)

I ran about 2.25 miles last night and swam 20 laps. Doesn't sound like much on it's own but my body was beat from my morning workout. I could barely finish the 19th and 20th lap. My form was getting sloppy and my body said enough. This morning, I got up and did body pump. My body is screaming at me now. I'm so exhausted.

Optimistic

My heart is filling so full today, well lately really. I had an amazing weekend and I'm off to a great week already. I got the kids off to school this morning and went shopping. Normally I go to the gym on Monday mornings but today I had an interview and I just knew the pants I wore last year wouldn't fit me and I was in need of a new pair.

Kohl's opens at 8 am, so I got there and looked around. I wasn't looking for anything special just a black pair of slacks to wear for the interview. I already knew what shirt I was going to be wearing. The position I applied for is a classified position at a junior high involving supervision. It's not a high paying position but it's close to home and the hours are perfect for me. When I first went into Kohl's I seen the cutest jeans. I am really in need of new clothes and totally wanted these jeans. Just last night, Rich told me the jeans I was wearing were looking big on me. I grabbed a pair of the jeans and told myself if I got the job I would treat myself to these jeans and I grabbed a few pairs of pants that would work in a size 10, then I seen a gray pair with a weaved pattern that I really liked but they didn't have a 10, they had an 8. I knew the 8 wouldn't fit me but I grabbed them anyways just because I wanted to see how much of myself I could suck and squeeze into them.

I took all the pants into the fitting room and tried on the jeans first. The have cute little rhinestones and butt pockets. I really liked them. Oh how I just love jeans. Then I tried on the size 8 slacks. Pulling them up my legs and sucking in my gut, I was able to get them on! Yeah muffin top was spilling over and they weren't at all attractive, cottage cheese ripples and the full effect but I was able to SQUEEZE myself into them. I honestly didn't think I would get them up past my hips let alone over my booty and on my waist with room to zip, even if they were obviously still too small - they are a size 8 - a size 8 I tell you! Immediately, I called my hubby while he was at work to tell him my glorious news of how I was able to squeeze myself into a size 8, a pre-babies, pre-fat, single digit size! Even though, I left the pants there because they obviously didn't fit my heart was so happy. I ended up getting a black pair of slacks in a size 10, exactly what I came in for and exactly what I needed.

When I got home, I went to the bathroom, wearing just my t-shirt and undergarments I did a pre-weigh in. It's been years since I've seen a number on the scale that low. I was so happy and proud. I really hope to see that same number on the scale tomorrow at the gym, but if not, I'm sure I will still see a loss.

After my pre-weigh in, I went ahead and got ready. I think I had a good interview and I'm feeling optimistic. I know it's a tough economy out there and my future is in God's hands. I prayed about the interview this morning and am just feeling hopeful.

After my interview, I had lunch with my hubby. I love him so much and it's nice to have quiet time just me and him. I'm not going to make it to the gym today, too many things to take care of while the kids were at school. I plan on running tonight after I put them in bed.

Red Dress

Remember the red dress I talked about a few weeks ago? I bought it online from Macys.com in a size medium and hoped that it would fit. It fit! I wear it all the time. I promised a picture and here it is

Holding Steady

I've been holding steady at my current weight for a while. I was optimistic earlier in the week that I was going to have a loss this week because I was running so much. I won't lie, I even snuck on the scale and seen it. LOL Yeah well, the weekend rolled around and my eating was bad, very bad. I really have nothing else to blame but myself and my lack of willpower right now. I'm looking forward to school starting and all the routine that comes with it. I'm hoping my dieting efforts will be better then. I have to admit, I am disappointed with my self and my eating habits. I was so diligent all last school year. Spring and summer came and they just started slipping up. I really wanted to be skinny when the kids went back to school. Yeah, I'm skinnier but really not at my goal where I wanted to be, where I could have been had I eaten better and not made so many excuses.

I did body pump and cycle this morning. My legs are already sore. I want to go for a run tonight but I might just go and do yoga. I've got dinner being made in the crock pot. BBQ Chicken sandwiches. I will be eating mine on an Orowheat thin. I'll probably make corn on the cob or asparagus too.

I know I didn't blog yesterday. I spent the morning finishing up school clothes shopping. The grand total is 10 dresses, 5 shirts, 2 tank tops, 3 skirts, 4 shorts, 5 pairs of leggings and 4 pairs of shoes. Mariyn is done - done done. I didn't think I had bought that much, until I showed my mom today. Mariyn didn't "summer clothes" this year so she needed a lot. She's grown so tall and most of her shorts are too short to wear in public. Plus she goes back to school on Weds. It's still going to be warm here for a long time. Shopping with her was so much fun. She looks cute in absolutely everything. We had very little put backs. Although, I notice this year her style is changing and she likes picking out her own things more than the things I (Uhhmm... her mom) suggests. I'm totally envious of her being able to look cute in everything, even though I am her mother. I can't tell you how many times I've left dressing rooms crying and upset because of the way clothes fit. Or didn't fit is more like it. Shopping with her was fun and easy.

Amelia got a few things too. She starts preschool next Friday. She got more clothes this summer than Mariyn did so she doesn't need much. I got her a couple of dresses. Amelia has been talking so much more this week too. Full sentances. :) and she used the potty for 5 days with no accidents. Today, day 6 she regressed and has had a few. Her behavior has been so good this week. Which made for easy shopping. ha ha Mariyn would not have gotten that much stuff had Amelia been her usual testy self. I'm looking forward to her speech tomorrow and being able to talk about the progress made.

So yeah, besides shopping I did do cardio kick yesterday. I need to add something more to my Monday routine but I'm not really sure what. It's hard to work out late Monday night and early Tuesday morning for my body pump and cycle routine. Must have gotten a good burn. Some days, I really wish I had a body bug just to watch my calories burn. Must be neat.

Oh and I did something spontaneous. I went to Macys.com this weekend and ordered some stuff for Mariyn. Yeah, I know you se Macey's and think expensive but I got great deals! I broke down and ordered this dress in redfor myself too! It was cheap, less than $14.00 and I bought a size Medium. Well have to see when it gets here if it *really* fits. Here is to hoping! I know I was being brave by getting a medium. Red is my favorite color though, so I hope it fits.

Here is to a better weigh in next week :)

Clothes clothes clothes

As promised earlier, I wanted to come and talk about clothes. You know you would think that since I've lost so much weight I'd have a completely new wardrobe by now. The fact of the matter is money is so tight, I've felt guilty spending any on clothes. Especially since I'm not at my goal weight yet. I'd rather spend any extra money on activities. But I'm getting to a point where my old clothes are falling off of me and not going to work much longer. Especially my tank tops. I decided that even my gym clothes are getting to big.

About two weeks ago, I bought this cute little red ribbed tank top for Target. I wanted something new and well, it was only $8. I was in a hurry and didn't have time to try it on, we were leaving to go camping and I thought it would work out great. I grabbed a size large. I've been an XL or bigger most of my adult life. I'm big busted and so I've figured a large is probably the smallest top size I'll ever be. Well, sure enough I got it home and loved the style and color (Red is my absolutely fav). Unlike most ribbed tanks, this one has some stretch to it but goes back into shape. Most of mine have always stretched but never return to hug your figure. Unfortunately, it was a bit too big up top. Did you hear that? A large tank is TOO big for me. ha ha I would have returned it but they didn't have any mediums and I really wanted something new and we were leaving to go camping anyways.

I wanted to get a new tank top for the race. So Friday, I wondered into Kohls, they usually have good prices and sales on cute active wear. I must admit, I'm a bit of a label snob. I really only want to wear Nike or Adidas. In my mind they are the best and I know there are plenty of other cute stuff out there but I don't want to spend my money on it unless it has that cute little Nike Swoosh or Adidas logo. Snob - I know. I looked around, looking specifically for a tank top but also am secretly wanting a pair of booty shorts or capri's. I only have two pairs of capri's and they are both getting kinda big. Plus, it's been too hot to wear my pants comfortably. I checked the clearance and didn't see anything. Last time, I got a cute pink Nike top for less than $10. I was kind of sad but I left empty handed. Rich and the girls were next door at Target so I left to meet up with them. While looking for them I walked past the tank tops again, the same cute little ones I had looked at two weeks prior but they had a lot more in and in size Medium. I decided I was going to pick two up because hey what's $8 for a great looking tank. I got a pretty turquoise blue and bright yellow. I tried them on when I got home and they fit -- they looked hot! ha ha I felt so good about myself that I was in a medium top.

Saturday morning, my little sister had her baby boy around 8 am. I wanted to go visit them and I needed to go to the bank. The baby is adorable, but walking through L & D at the hospital and seeing all those uncomfortable women fixed any baby urge I might have gotten. On my way home, I decided to hit up Sports Authority to look again for more tank tops. I ended up trying on a ton of clothes and really was scoping out the booty shorts. I tried a pair on - and yeah while I could get them on they didn't exactly look like I had imagined. My legs have been shaping up nicely (for me anyways), when I look at them I see tone, definition, muscles and tan. You could see my, my EVERYTHING, cottage cheese, my lard, rolls of fat being pushed down and out through the leg holes. I was so dissappointed. I tried on a pair of fitted adidas capri's. They were on clearance, size small. Hearing the seams scream, I could barely squeeze myself into them. Wasn't a good look or feel. I figured I was stuck with my two pairs of capri's at least for now. I really want this fab booty and leg look, you know I want to look like I've spent 5 days a week in the gym for the last 9 months! I want to look athletic and hot. Is that too much to ask?

I tried on several tanks but found a cute light pink Adidas one on clearance for like $13. size MEDIUM!!! Pink isn't my favorite color but you couldn't beat the price and the fit was good too. I decided it was the top I needed for the 5K. It had a built in sports bra that actually held up so well that I want to go back and try to find more. It was great. Normally I wear tank tops with a bra, sports bra and built in bra to get enough support. I loved the fit, have I said that yet? Hopefull, I'll get to go back and pick more up from clearance. This top is going to be my regular running top the fit is that good! So happy!

Weekend

I started my long weekend early on Friday. I went to bed trying to figure out how my day was going to go and where I was going to fit in gym time. I was suppossed to watch my nieces and nephew,or at least that's what I thought. I figured I'd worry about it in the morning when they got here and figure it out. I ended up sleeping in until almost 10am! Crazy, I know. When I got up, my girls were quietly watching a movie and I checked my phone. Apparently, I was texted that I didn't need to watch the kids. I had a few errands and such to do and planned on watching Eclipse Friday night with my girlfriends. Plus, I wanted to wash my car, it was DIRRR-Ty. Normally, I take it to the car wash and have them do it. But I was feeling cheap money is tight and really the car wash never really gets it 100% clean, probably because I wait too long between washes ;-) The girls and I were on a mission to clean the car and I knew it was going to be WORK! But the girls had a blast. Mariyn said to me, "Mom have you EVER washed a car like this before?" HAHA HA Umm.. YES but it's been a while. I have a lot of memories of washing cars/trucks as a kid.

Eclipse was AMAZING and I've decided Emmett is really good eye candy! Good thing eye candy doesn't make you fat because I was drooling over him a lot! I did splurge and get a large soda (Dr. Pepper) and pop corn. Not because I needed a large but because it was cheaper to buy it as a combo. I can't believe snack prices at the theater! $12.50 for the soda and pop corn. Seriously! I hadn't had a soda in a long time, so I pretended it was worth it. Honestly though, I don't really miss soda. Crazy, I know. I'm happy with my water and crystal light. Sweet tea, I miss sweet tea but everything in moderation, right?

Saturday I went river rafting with my friends. My kids stayed with my brother, my nieces were babysitting in exchange I bought them Eclipse tickets, and Rich was on call. It was a beautiful warm day and very relaxing not having to worry about the fam. I love them, but I love me time too. I bought my food with me: seafood salad, almonds, nectarines and plums. I bought a 12 pack of Smirnoff ice, not because I would drink all 12. I figured I'd share, I rarely drink. I won't drink around my kids and I won't drink unless it's safe and really I don't drink because it's wasted calories. I had two drinks out of the 12 pack. I helped row all day in the heat and swam. I'm pretty sure I burnt off the extra calories. I had fun rafting. I really only knew 2 of the people in our group of 16. I was nervous about going and being that fat girl again. Lets face it, most people who are willing to swim in public are probably skinnies. While, I am looking skinny for me, I am not looking skinny. I am feeling confident with my body and in better shape. I think I look fit - except for my gutt. The funniest thing is I am really more self conscious about my body now that I ever was. Maybe it's more aware? I can easily see how obsessive someone can get about their weight and body now and could see how it could turn into a problem for some people i.e. Anorexia etc. I never really understood eating disorders before but I think I do now. Not that I have one or anything, I just see how easy it is to become obsessed. Good news: I got a ton of compliments on my suit and I had a GREAT time doing something active with friends. That is the goal right, to live a healthy ACTIVE life style!

Sunday - July 4th. Swimming, BBQ and Fireworks! American tradition, right. I did ok and planned healthier foods. My mom and step dad came over too. My mom tried her best to bring healthier stuff too. We did good until Rich sabotaged us by asking for potato salad and chips! I limited my portions though and tried to eat mostly healthy. Hopefully, I didn't eat too much. It's hard not too when the summer if filled with such delicious foods. Good thing is I LOVE fruit and veggies. I really do :) I just also love potatoes and deserts and well... FOOD! ha ha

Clothes!

I was standing in my room last night talking to Rich. I noticed a pile of my pants in his closet, my clothes are kept in the spare room. These pants were ones that I had grown out of... many of them that I thought I would never wear again, in a range of sizes. Immediately, I began trying things on. Many of them still don't fit- a lot of them are out of style - but some of them did fit! Actually 3 pairs of pants (2 pair of jeans), 1 denim capri, and some shorts! How exciting! I've been wanting jeans so badly.

I was still a bit emotional, and embarrassed trying things on. Every pair, Rich asked, what size are those? When was the last time you wore them? He was trying to be supportive but trying on clothes has been an emotional nightmare for me over the years. Many of the things, I bought last time I lost weight (due to gallstones) were still too small. Hopefully, in a couple more weeks. I had lots of express jeans, from before I had children - that were still too small. Hopefully, when I'm at my goal - even though I fully intend on buying a lot of new clothes. It will be exciting to see these fit again.